Dear Aunty Bella,
I really enjoy all the Aunty Bella series and would like to share my dilemma with you.
I just turned 30 and feel like I have finally reached a turning point in my life.
See from my teens and all through most of my twenties, I was a real WILD CHILD.
I used to be very quiet, reserved and shy as a child but I was one of those girls that developed very early physically. My father is white while my mother is Nigerian so I am of mixed heritage. Along with all that came a false sense of confidence, boys (and men) were constantly chasing after me. I never had to do any work in school or elsewhere. Guys would do my homework for me, buy things for me etc…
I never knew my father, as I believe he was on a posting to Nigeria when my mother got pregnant and he left soon after never to be heard from again.
My mother tried her best but we never had much but from meeting me, you would never guess. I always looked well dressed and well groomed from head to toe.
When I was 18 and awaiting admission to university, I met this older gentleman who started ‘taking care of me’. Since my teens, I had had boyfriends who spoilt me but this was on another level, he sent me to school in Europe and just showed me the so-called ‘luxury’ life. I am talking about diamonds, trips round the world, living in the Dorchester for months and all that.
All this time, I told everyone I met that my father was a late European royal who died and left me his inheritance to explain how I could afford my lifestyle.
When I was in Europe, I rebelled against my older ‘boyfriend’ (this man was actually older than my father) and started keeping other boyfriends and that is how my life started to spiral further downwards.
My boyfriend dropped me and stopped paying my fees. All the guys that I was dating suddenly disappeared when I could not afford to keep up with the spending (I later realized that many of these guys were after ‘my money’ and fictional ‘inheritance’)
To cut the long story short, my twenties were filled drugs, men, hopping from one place to the other, squatting with friends and generally having no direction in life. I finally moved back to Nigeria about 3 years ago, I got here and continued on the same path of partying and men. 2 years ago, I woke up one morning and it was as if I saw myself for who I truly was. I looked in the mirror and cried. I looked old, gaunt, saggy and used. I cried for hours but that was a turning point. I prayed, I moved away from Lagos and built my relationship with God. Somehow, my pastor’s wife who had a similar background took me under her wing, allowed me to stay in their house and got me a job. I am now doing very well in my job and happy with my life. The problem is that after being celibate and staying off men for these 2 years, I have finally met someone who respects me. He is courting me in the Christian way and is very serious about our relationship. Here is my problem, I don’t know if to tell him about my past. Bella and readers, I have done some unimaginable things, things that you only read about in novels, the wildest things you can imagine both with drugs and men. It took me a long time to forgive myself but even now I still have crying fits and feelings of depression because of the wasted years.
My man is a saint, believe it or not, he is a successful, handsome man in his thirties yet he is celibate and focused on his relationship with Christ, he was born in Nigeria but grew up in the US and doesn’t have that many friends in Nigeria (I am guessing that is why he has not heard my story). I feel the need to tell him my story but I am scared that even though he loves me, he will not be able to handle it, other men who seemed serious have dropped me in the past once they found out about my past so you see why I am afraid. When I have children in the future (especially daughters), I don’t know if to tell them about my life as well.
Please what should I do, should I tell him or just enter this marriage like that.
Also, I am afraid that if I don’t tell him, one of his friends or family will spill the beans later. Please help!
Miss New Leaf
WOW! Please give her your advice. I admire Miss New Leaf for overcoming her past.