What’s good? Hope your weekend went well.
Mine was really good! I went to the spa for a facial and a massage…blissful!
Plus one of my lil’ sisters was around so that was really cool.
Anyways, I know its usually a Thursday thing but I had to make an exception and bring Aunty Bella in on a Monday.
Hope y’all are ready to unleash the advice.
Dear Aunty Bella,
Hope your readers can help out.
My boyfriend (maybe its ex-boyfriend now) and have been dating for almost a year now. We met each other last year and were casual friends (as in hi, hello friends) until he started calling more often, started saying he fancied me etc…
I thought he was a really nice guy and everything but I refused to hang out with him or go on a date with him because of a variety of reasons.
The main reason being that at that point, I had already made plans to move away from Alaska* where we both lived. I also felt that bf and I were a bit of a mismatch because he is about 8 years older than me, he is very chilled out and takes a ‘lets see how each days goes’ approach to life while I am super ambitious and have a ‘lets take the bull by the horns’ approach to everything.
Anyways, I don’t know what happened because one day I woke up and started fancying Mr. BF, as in I totally just saw him in a different light. That was how the relationship started. I have to confess that Mr. bf is a perfect gentleman. As in, a dream boyfriend - Sweet, caring, affectionate, generous and everything. Really, really, no drama. Nigerian girls, you know how rare guys like this are. Just in case you have forgotten, go to figurella’s blog to refresh your memory!
So after some months, the time came for me to move away from Alaska. It was a really difficult time because I was scared that I was not making the right decision but I really hated Alaska and got a really great job in Lagos. Mr. bf actually asked me not to move but I said that I had to. We talked about the whole thing and agreed to continue long distance even though we are both ‘against’ long distance relationships. I also agreed that I would consider moving back to Alaska after a year but gave no guarantees.
That was how the issues just escalated, as soon as the whole long distance thing started; it got really difficult with the time difference and all that. Also, we both have very demanding jobs so many times we would want to talk but would be just too exhausted to do so. We started having more and more little arguments which ended up escalating to huge ones. Being that Mr. bf is a very chilled person, he hates fighting and is very non-confrontational so this put a huge strain on things. Anyways, mr. bf came to visit and the whole trip was going well until we had another huge fight and he ended up going back to Alaska quite upset.
From that point, it was as if something was just lost. Everytime we spoke, it just wasn’t the same feeling but from my side the reason for all the fighting was the whole moving thing. It just put me on the edge and made me pick on every other thing.
We talked and mr. bf asked why I hadn’t started making plans to move back to Alaska and I said I didn’t see myself moving back there anytime soon and he made it clear that he saw Alaska as his permanent base for the next 5 years at least.
As I said, mr. bf is 8 years older than me so is looking for a relationship that has a ‘clear future’, that is why he really wants to know if and when I will move back to Alaska. I on the other hand, could see a future with mr. bf but am not in a hurry and especially do not want to go back and live in Alaska (as in the place is very boring and cold)
So my question is what should I do?
Should we just let go of the relationship because we both don’t want to move?
Should we try to make it work? How can it work?
Ladies, would you leave your successful career in a place which you love to move to a city you dislike for your man?
I love Mr. bf and really don’t want to lose him (hmmm might have already…) but its like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, I want to be with bf. On the other hand, I feel this will mean letting go of a huge chunk of my aspirations and therefore will leave me bitter later.
Miss Between A Rock & A Hard Place aka Ms. Confused
*Some details have been coded