Thursday, October 04, 2007

OMAWUMI IN TRUE LOVE + BN PROSE

Hey!!!!!!!!
Hope your week is going well!
I'm just here, working as usual!
I am going on a local trip for work until the weekend....I'm sure there'll be internet access in the hotel tho.
Ohhhh that reminds me....I had a really really fab time this past weekend....pls remind me to gist u guys about it on friday..
Anyways, lets get to it!

Not much has been heard from Omawumi since she clinched the runner-up spot on Idols WA some months ago. I know the Idols WA Top 10 has been on a Celtel sponsored nationwide tour. Omawumi's 1st single, 'You Got Me' didnt set the radio on fire so I really hope she has some better material in the works....Anyways, here is a True Love Feature on her. Love the yellow Movada dress!



Do you think Omawumi has a chance at musical stardom or was it just a reality tv '15 mins of fame' type of deal?
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BN Prose

BN Prose is an opportunity for us to display our talents by sharing short stories that are interesting yet inspire discussion.
Anything from light-hearted short stories to short stories that touch on difficult issues such as spousal abuse.
The purpose is not to critique the writing style, it’s just something to entertain and hopefully enlighten.
I aim to feature this on a Thursday, once a month.
If you will like your short story to be featured, email it to bellanaija@gmail.com with BN Prose in the subject line along with the title of your story.
Stories cannot exceed 1500 words.
To kick things off, here is the first edition.
Enjoy!


Your phone is ringing, it’s Simi…again!
She has called you 3 times tonight and you haven’t picked up your phone.
I know what she is going to say….
You finally resign to your fate and pick up the phone
‘Hey luv, why have you been ignoring my calls?’
‘Nooooo I haven’t, I was taking a nap’
‘Whatever, you know today is Seun’s birthday, you have to come pleaaaaaaaaase!’
This Simi girl is just something else; I really don’t know how she does it!
She works 100 hours a week as an investment banker at IBTC Chartered, she runs her accessories label, she has a fiancé, yet she has the time and energy to attend every party!
‘You know that I am sick of all these Lagos things, it’s always the same people, in the same places – I am not going!’
‘Honestly darling, its going to be fun, as in, this is a very different crowd, it’s a private party so none of the usual suspects you see out every day….I’ll even come and pick you up, I’m on my way now!’
Ok, you’ll go but this is the last time.
Seriously.
It’s just a waste of time really, the same guys who all have girlfriends that everyone knows about, yet they have the audacity to chat you up and deny their girlfriend!
The same girlfriend that is tagged as ‘in a relationship with’ on their facebook!
Later, someone will say that you are having something with XYZ’s boyfriend, just because they saw both of you talking…..arghhhh, its so annoying.
Can’t even be bothered to dress up, put on the blue high-waist jeans and a tee shirt then some makeup and pull your hair out of the ponytail and brush it. You are good to go!
Simi just sent a text, she is already at the gate
You text back - ‘Simi, aren’t you going to come in?’
‘No, we are already late’
You step into the car, its freezing, maybe you should have brought your pashmina, Simi always blasts the air conditioner as if she is trying to recreate an Alaskan winter!
Olu Maintain’s Yahooze is blasting from the radio…..
Oh oh yahoo, oh oh yahoo, Yahooooze, yahooze….
You are both singing at the top of your lungs!
The song is sooo overplayed but you still love it!
Hmmm ok, you are in a better mood now….
You get to Awolowo Road, police check point as usual
They flag the car down
Don’t these police men have anything better to do?
The driver pulls down his window
‘Oga, oya park your car there!’
Simi pokes her head out of the window
All the policemen exclaim!
‘Ahh ah Aunty, we didn’t know it was you oooo….
Thanks for last time…
Aunty you are looking pretty oooo….
Very fine sista…..
Make sure you enjoy yaself….
Goodnight ma….’
Now you are laughing!!
‘Simi, this babe you are gangsta, I hope you know you go out wayyyy too much, even the policemen know’
The driver parks in front of 6degrees, you look around for other cars, not as rowdy as usual, hmmm - good sign.
There are 2 people ahead of you guys, the bouncer turns them away, it’s a private party he says - that’s another good sign.
At least you won’t be fighting for oxygen and standing space in there.
You guys get in straight away.
Of course, Simi knows the bouncer, she even asked about his newborn baby and he thanked her for the baby present she sent to his house last week
You shake your head; you don’t know how she does it!
You guys get inside; you look around, all the familiar faces…
Do some people live here?
For real, they seem to be permanent residents of the lounge
Air kisses follow
‘Hello darling…’
‘Long time…’
‘You’ve cut your hair…’
‘How was Dubai…?’
‘I’ve missed you….’
Blah Blah Blah!....it’s all a blur now
You are just looking for a place to sit down.
Simi has already disappeared as usual, she has gone to say hello to her fiancé and his friends
You’ve found a seat and you are sipping your water…
No alcohol tonight, you have an early meeting tomorrow so there is no point
The DJ is not bad,
You are actually feeling the music
Umbrella ella ella ella eh eh eh eh

You feel someone staring at you
You look around, can’t spot anyone
Hmmm ok
Back to your water
and the music…
Suddenly, you spot him
He’s the one that has been staring at you
You can’t help but look
This dude is fine
Wooooot!
Fine….
You mean…gorgeous!
You have never seen him before
You avert your eyes but they seem to drift back to him
He is staring right back at you
Now, this is scary
You are getting goosebumps…
It must be the AC
You must be cold….
It can’t possibly be his gaze…
Right?
It’s obvious he’s just come in from work, he is wearing a suit
Charcoal grey suit
Blue Shirt
No tie
The suit must be bespoke because it fits him perfectly
He is moving
What?
He is walking towards you
Should I run away, you think…
Hhaha, you must be joker, run to where exactly?
He is getting closer and closer
Now that he is even closer, he is starting to look familiar
Do you know him?
You are racking your brain
Nothing comes through…
You are thinking hard….
Suddenly you’ve got it
Oh yes, the August edition of True Love West Africa
The Man of the Moment section.
You close your eyes; you are trying to picture the page…
The details come tumbling in
28, Thriving Media Entrepreneur, Wharton MBA, Single, Just recognized as one of the ‘Young Leaders’ at Davos
Also founded a non-profit for cervical cancer
Now you remember…
That is the reason you read the article
You were intrigued by the idea of a man founding a charity for cervical cancer
The photo in the mag did him no justice!
You open your eyes
Ohhh S**t
He is right in front of you.
He is even more gorgeous than you imagined plus he is tall, very tall
Wow, this is soo exciting!
But you are so embarrassed for staring so blatantly
He smells so good though
You recognize the fragrance - Terre D'Hermés
Love it!
His face is directly in front of yours
Any slight movement and you will be lip to lip
You can barely breathe
You say a silent prayer
- Please God, let him not have bad breath
Lawl, typical of you, as if God does not have better things to do than make sure some guy you met in a club doesn’t have bad breath
It’s worth a try anyway
It’s as if everything is in slow motion
He opens his mouth…
You catch a whiff of his breath….minty fresh!
Thank the Lord!!!
He says your name…
Umm….how does he know my name???
I know I am jumping the gun but I can imagine the wedding day
Hahhah….I haven’t even spoken to the dude and I am already planning our wedding
He begins to speak

‘ello there, ow ha you doin’ prerry girl?’
‘hi ope you don’t mind me talking to ya’
‘hi ave been wanting to merrt you for ha long time, that is why hi hasked Simisola to bring ya tonight’

You cannot bring yourself to speak
You don’t know whether to laugh or cry
You know you are being shallow but….
You are having a hard time deciphering the accent or should you say ‘hhhaccent’
The dreaded ‘h-factor’…
What to do, what to do….

______________________________________________________________
LOL….What would you do?
But on a more serious note, why is it that we say ‘ohhh the guy/girl has a sexy French/British/Spanish/Italian accent’ but we never say he/she has a sexy Yoruba/Ibo/Calabar accent? we need a revolution! we must celebrate ours!!

Have a fab day….Ciao

47 comments:

Chi-Chi said...

Welcome back, Bella!

Kpakpando said...

No way I'm first. I happen to find some igbotic accents sexy.

bam bam said...

ist tyme reading your blog and luvn it I knew he was too good to b true the accent killed it 4 me sad..........................!

DELABIQUE COUTURE said...

bella, welcome back missed u so much. u stayed away too long. pls bring on d flavour real soon

tatafo! said...

lawwwwwwwwwwl!!!
hoh mai goodness!

that was too good bella! thank goodness you took a break, you are back + better fir real!!

Anonymous said...

lol, i have to say thats a deal breaker right there!, h factors are a big No No

Jaycee said...

lol...true talk, we must celebrate ours oh...haba!!!

pamelastitch said...

lol!!! I find dating men with african accents to be so sexy!!!

:D

36 INCHES OF BROWN LEGS said...

Lol. i no fit o!!! i will just run. what? i dont even mind a yoruba or igb accent but H factor, i no fit abeg!!!

kaffy said...

love, love, love this story. the commentary style got the story across so well, im laughing all alone at my desk with my colleague thinking im going crazy enjoying my work.

it seems to be the norm all around here in UK too. Cos my friend met this guy who looked ok with a nice car and all but then he opens his mouth and it all went wrong.

What's a girl like her to do? face the other direction maybe!!!

Unbiased said...

The story is cool but the only thing is it was a little long. Also went from narrative to descriptive and back a lot so a little confusing but the plot was cool.

Zena said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Zena said...

lmao,
Ok, maybe we're all being a little shallow, lol ok, mayb not, but my gosh,
Hi see your back with ha bang, bella, pwerry girl, lol.

Uzo said...

Hear, Hear. Loving the story and why dont we appreciate our Nigerian accents. I think Omowunmi will have a hard time being relevant unless she keeps working at it....

Ammee said...

Maybe we just need to re-work our minds so that we don't think that our Nigerian accents are bad.

Anyway, I think that Omowunmi's song "You got me" was unbelievably poor for an Idol finale. It was really, really bad (I don't mean the rendition of it, I mean the whole song). Whoever, is writing her songs needs to add some Naija flava in it. Fuji, Juju, Yoruba, Pidgin or else I can't see her doing very well in the business.

Anonymous said...

I can't even laugh. One would think that Wharton would havecured all this h-factor na wa o.

Sherri said...

welcome back!

zaiprincesa said...

OMG!!...LMAO..ok, ive been MIA for a while...and apparently, so have you bella. But, WELCOME BACK!!

Shaywun said...

hehehe good lawd, that was sometin else! Nice one but I don't know about celebrating the accent since it really isn't one. Us talking to the Americans plainly - now that's accent. But missing letters and pronouncing them like that - you weren't paying attention in class.

Shaywun said...

Unless, of course, you just grew up in that environment.

Arewa said...

lol..oh my Gosh...God help me or elswe i will just burst out laughing in his face...no no i wont do that ..its rude but damn!!
I will try as much as possible to make conversation (ansd trust me it will be very short conversation)with him but thats as far as it will go.. I have always believed that looks arent all that important its whats on the inside oh yeah and its also about the length of his trousers and how neatand presentable his shoes are.. i know.. im mad and freaky like that.....lol

shola pacheco said...

nice one bella ,quite a good story ,i hope u aint planning a drama soon cos i heard folks now write books from blogs so cool who would think now we would blog our tots online them days when we hide our diaries or write in codes na wah oyinbo try ho

Bobby said...

LAWLING HARD!

That is too funny...

The writer is good...i felt like i was there...lol.

Confessions of a moody crab said...

lol...you will not kill me! Nice one! What to do? Well, I'll chat with him and then go MIA! I know I'm shallow but please....lol

Mademoiselle BN...add me on you list incase you decide to go AWOL on us again..SVP. I can't help it...I'm addicted.


Glad you are back!!!!

Oracle said...

I have a feeling that story is not complete.
Nice concept and I must say that itz funny.

adanma said...

welcome back darlin...missed reading from u n this bn prose is a real cool idea...
hi think!!!!!

eida said...

Funny!
But the truth is that a lot of naija chics, even some who claim to be posh and all still date guys like this as long as the cash is flowing their way.
And I wonder why the way someone speaks is such a big deal to us in Nigeria.I am guilty of it too but I noticed that in the US,as much as a lot of ppl don't understand our accent,those who do usually don't fuss over trivialities such as this and may even comment that your english is really good as long as it is good grammar.
I guess we are too cool for our own good.

Anonymous said...

I look at the 'H' factor the same way i look at the 'R' factor , lisping and stuttering. It can be corrected with speech theraphy at a young age and probably as an adult as well. But whatever happened to taking people as they are.I have a sneaking suspicion that those people that like the pretty boys with good jobs and flashy cars without speech problems are the same ones who have horror stories to tell about how bad Naija men are. At the end of the day, i still believe that too many women are focused on the superficial instead of integrity.

Joy, Toronto.

wienna said...

Bella...i'm considering suing u for infringment of copyright, abi how dem dey say am for America. Who gave u permission to use my name? I'm suing u for $1millas for each letter of dat unique precious 8-letter word. Expect court papers from my attorney very soon. lol

Ladybrille said...

LOL! Funny! Too funny! LOL. What to do? Me I no sabi. Omo it's clear o! He says he asked Simi to bring you to the parri! I am still digesting the story. LOL! Is the bobo dat fine? Dayuuuuuuum!

Anonymous said...

bella, well done as always, anyhoo, talking about stories, have you been to bimbylads blog? its not a short story but she has something fantastic going on there..


ciao..
buki

Mona said...

thanks for stopping by on my blog

check out my new post on my friend's nysc registration process - HILARIOUS xxx

'Dara said...

Great to have you back, work has been ever so boring without your blog.
Great article, had me in stitches. keep up the good work, Lord knows it's well appreciated:)

× it` is what is™ said...

Nice magazine..Omowunmi looks soooo pretty!

honey said...

I enjoy stopping by on your page. For the party scene, very true. Eko for show!.why do they always act like a script.Hmm!As for the accents,good looking with "H" factor,ibo tonation and the "Pish" for "Fish" and "Feofle" for "People".No! NO!

Anonymous said...

Gosh! I nearly felll out laughing by the end of that. Good to have you back bella, looking forward to more of the same fabulosity you've treated us to in the past. Have a great weekend!

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

how am i so late to the table.

abeg, girrrrrrrl, the new template is on fire? Hot Pink? na wah o

Anonymous said...

I absolutely love ur blog

This is my 1st time and i am impressed

About the story it was hilarious and i must say i feel d girl o when i was single i no fit

And u wonder why there are so many fine rich well educated babes in nige with no boyfriend

Am not sayn d way u sound doesnt matter but that can be corrected for christs sakes

Imagine would u rather d guy in d story or a dude dat has it all with issues et al with an american accent?

All u chics r willin 2 give up on all dat good stuff on top his accent how superficial?

Neeways bella love ya blog

Anonymous said...

@ honey biko gerraway, you know the igbo accent is sexy!

logosian said...

Personally am totally turned off by all the fake yankee and English accents floating around this town. If this guy is so hot otherwise, maybe he can be gently persuaded to brush up on his "haccent" over time...

Olu said...

omg!
I LOVED THAT PROSE.....
as for d accent thing, as it was said earlier, it can easily be corrected if u cant stand it but i dnt think it rily maraz... i personally bliv RAZZ is IT...so norrin spoil!
as for Omawunmi, i haven't heard her new song but I heard one of her performances and I didn't rily lyk it..but she HAS PRESENCE THO

Adaure said...

Yippie Bells is back in the hizzy...missed u mucho grande.

Anonymous said...

The same reason why Beyonce is prettier than India Arie. . .

Anonymous said...

Gosh, we girls are just so superficial sometimes. So what if someone has the H factor or whatever. Why is it that most times, it's only we fellow Nigerians that notice that someone has the H thing ...... maybe that has something to say about how we over-adopt things in the first instance, e.g. language.
It's not the H, baby, it's the flair with which one speaks that matters jare. And even if there is no flair, abeg, Razz is also good. So many accents with so many issues underneath floating in Lagos these days.
To make it razzer, in Yoruba, we would say "Ai moye accents la lagbon" - meaning there are so many accents in Alagbon ............

Anonymous said...

Hi, Bella! Love your blog. Call me weird but there's something about an Ibo man who can speak Yoruba. Does something to me. I'm Yoruba. Don't ask why 'cause I don't know.

Anonymous said...

Confidence goes a long way in the accent issue. I beleive that if one has confidence whether he / she sounds igbotic, for example, and sticks with the accent, come rain or shine.

That in the long run pple around the individual will be interested in the accent whether they are Hispanic, Latinos, English, Nigerian, American, Arabians, Amerindians, Lost tribes, Hawaians, you name it ..... And will start saying to the person, "Gosh! I love ur accent ... where are you from, if i may ask?"

Confidence is the key.

Anonymous said...

dis is soo hilarious!!!!! i can imagine hw d babe wudda felt.......love ur blog!!!!..xxx