Friday, August 10, 2007

WEEKEND LUV?

Hey Everyone!
I know its been a while since I've done Weekend Luv...
Dont worry as soon as I am settled, I am going to be bringing it on bellanaija...
So how was your week? I still havent gotten my internet installed so right now I am doing this somewhere I shouldnt be...shhhhhhhhhh
Anyways, I am going to Egypt this weekend!! I am excited...I think...I hope I get to do some tourist-y stuff as well as my work...
I have been informed that I have 'internet' in my hotel room....hmm....I hope its not the 'Nigerian-type' internet....fingers crossed....

So I was talking to one of my guy friends and he was telling me that he has advised all his sisters to date non-Nigerian guys....he gave all sorts of reasons that I cannot even print and said he and his friends do it all so he knows what he is talking about...

So ladies, have you tried 'Something New'? Would you date/marry a non-Nigerian guy? From other African countries? Caribbean? White? Asian?
Let us know...
Have a great weekend.....See ya in Egypt....ciao!

78 comments:

Anonymous said...

1ST on hereeee.... and i ve even read the blog. WOOWWW!!!

Dont think i could date a non-Nigerian guy, just wont be the same, or maybe i shud try it b4 i judge!!!!

Food for thought..

kelechi said...

2nd here...
bella, wot happened 2 ur agony aunty column???????

Justme said...

3rd!!! yay!!!

Justme said...

well, for the first time, i am dating a naija guy and its aight. In the past, i dated african american guys, with this naija guy............there's a power struggle. He tries to "control" me sometimes- for example, i want to go to lunch with a male friend to catch up (cos we hadnt seen in a while) and he said "dont go" i was like......."why", he says "cos i said so, im ur man, i can tell u what to do and what not to do", i was like..........."u are not my daddy, im going........." In the end, i ended up going ! I've noticed young naija guys still have this "african man" mentality going on

Bella Naija said...

@anonymous - maybe u should!

@kelechi - its still alive, i just need to sort through my emails

@justme - lol...how r things?

omohemi Benson said...

Yes,I can date non- Nigerians,
as long as we gree lol

Aijay said...

I've never dated a non-Nigerian but I think I could. I guess it all depends on his personality and how connected we feel towards each other.
Nonetheless, I love my Naija men.

Oh, have a safe trip to Egypt & have fun. Hope to visit there someday. I so want to see the pyramids.

Uzo said...

Egypt...sounds interesting. Definitely on my list of places to visit...

You need to send me an email and tell me what you do...It sounds so exciting. Even our mutual friend wont tell me anything...

Uzo said...

And yes i would date a non-Nigerian and even marry one....

Anonymous said...

I have dated both naija men and non-africans. I prefer the non- africans for several reasons. Naija men are too controlling. Some naija men can't deal with a woman with strong personality, to them it is a power thing. The family being in your affairs is another thing that i can't stand. Some naija men are co-dependent and still tied to their mother's apron. I used to be married to naija man. There are few decent independent naija men but they are either taken or hard to find. I strictly date carribean men cause I get along with them especially trinis.

tatafo! said...

I've only dated two Nigerian guys and had bad experiences both times. I don't know if I'll want to settle down with one for the rest of my life either!

Confessions of a moody crab said...

I have not dated a non-Nigerian. But if I decide to then it either (a) Cuban guys and (b) Arabian men. I have a really really strong personality (sometimes bodering on stubborness) so I need a strong man...if not, I'm more likely to trample all over the person (not purposely if I may add)

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

i've dated non-naija a couple of times... actually come to think of it.. ive actually only ever had 2 naija boyfriends... what matters to me more is the person...who they are... what they stand for although i must say there is something about speaking broken english with ur boyfriend sha that is just sooo sexy... would i marry a non-naija... if its right.. he loves me and i love him.. why not? being from the same country doesn't guarantee anything...oh have fun in Egypt sweetie..

January said...

About dating non-naija guys, yeah! i can do that. I was in the United Arab Emirate for a 2weks dream vaction recently, and I must admit that I fell in love with the arabian guys in their flowing white robes (quite a change from our muslim naija guys we meet on the streets) got a few marriage proposals from them. but hey, time was not on my side, maybe next time, i'll stay for 2months just to give it a try.

SET said...

BE SAFE, HAVE FUN STAY BLESSED. I AM FROM ANOTHER AFRICAN COUNTRY, DATE A NIGERIAN AND HAVE DATED OTHER NATIONALIES, SO I AM VERY DIVERSED AND OPENED.

Kpakpando said...

Can I date a non-naija... is the sky blue? How are you going to put me in a candy store and expect me to only eat the carrot that I came with? Sorry US isn't a meting pot for nothing, I will date whomever I'm attracted to at the moment regardless of nationality. Maybe if it were marrying it would be a different story, but as long as the bobo is willing to learn igbo and eat egusi I think i'll be okay with it.

Nigerian Woman in Norway said...

LOL...kpakando you nailed it. I've dated two Nigerian guys, and let's just say both of them needed to come into the 21st century.

@justme - that guy sounds weird.

kokolet said...

i dnt mind nt dating a naija guy..i feel it is not good to limit ones options..u never knw!!!!

Anonymous said...

As much as I think Naija guys are full of crap - I don't think I can marry a non Nigerian.
I can certainly date a non-Nigerian for the fun of it – can get away with more things than I would with a Naija guy – what a small world it is in Lagos.
As for marriage - I want to share memories of my youth and culture with my husband, hoping he would have had similar experience when growing up - primary school, high school , going to school and work abroad, politics, hustling in Naija etc. I want us to go back to Nigeria at some point so that we can build our future at home together without inconveniencing my hubby, and spend time with family and friends, I just don't see how I can spend the rest of my life with someone who has not had these experiences or who would have limitations or find it difficult to adjust to the Nigerian madness.

Anonymous said...

I began by dating African-American men exclusively b/c they were the only ones around to date and I thought they were cooler than African men. Also, I believed that all Naija men were like my father...bad. I then diversified and dated two Jamaicans. One was bad and the other was boring. Moving on, I dated a guy from Sierre Leon. I WOULD NEVER AGAIN DATE ANY MAN FROM THAT COUNTRY EVEN IF MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT. The only good thing that came out of that relationship was I rediscovered my Africaness. This made me open to dating other African men including 0Naija men. I dated two. One was boring and the other was boring and evil. All this while the man that GOD meant for me to spend my life with was right in front of me. He was my friend and yes, he was Naija. He proposed and we are to marry next year. I didn't choose him simply because he was Naija, but because he was my soulmate. For real. We just clicked and believe me I have kissed a lot of frogs to get to my Prince. So, I know the difference.

Interestingly, I no longer feel attracted to African-American men. By dating African men, I realized that AA men did not have that cultural component that my soul needed. Also, I personally, do not feel that AA men respect African women. In fact, I suspect that some one them feel they are doing African women a favor by dating them. Just my opinion.

Iyobosa said...

was luking fwd to weekend luv! so no luv this weekend abi?
wow Egypt! try see the pyramids oh.

i have quite liberal views, don’t matter if u are Nigerian or Chinese.
as long as u cater to me, den I am fine.
But as anon said Nigerian men are too controlling, I don’t subscribe to the idea of a woman's role in the house is to cook good food for the man, wash his clothes, clean the house etc (that’s just glorified househelp!)

But this is just a generalization, there are some non-controlling naija men out there, but i did not find them, so i got me a Caribbean man..

p.s from a previous anon lurker lol

Nwanyi Ocha said...

Does almost top 20 count? *sigh*

Oh well, tis a tricky one and granted most Nigerian men are close minded but there are a few awesome ones around.

If some cant even come around tribalism, then nationality is a different ball game all together.

Regards less thou I would date a non Nigerian. At least have a splash of Africa in your blood.

naijasista said...

i've dated a white guy before, but had race issues - nothing compares to dating a naija brotha

Anonymous said...

I have dated outisde of my race and had extreme clashes with them........to anonymous 3:20 pm, I agree with you 100%, NEVER DATE A MAN FROM SIERRIA LEONE, they are all low lifes

Tall Naija Gal said...

Ok...i'm sure a lot of ladies will agree with me on this one...Though I would prefer marrying a Naija guy, I don't mind dating guys from other cultures/races (Especially African American guys -- because they are always soo tall and fine too!)Yep!
On the other hand, majority of Naija guys for some reason didn't eat the beans and milk their mother fed them...so they are always short...but why! ah
Bottomline: I would date anyone i'm attracted to, but would LOVE to marry a Naija guy so I can share my childhood experiences and raise my children the way I was raised...to me it'll be easier to start a life together 'cause u won't have to worry about ur spouse having different views on some aspects of life bcos of his culture..
..plus I want my parents blessing when I get married...hehe
...later chica, have fun in Egypt!

Ladybrille said...

I would date a non-naija in a heartbeat. In fact that is what I always dated partly because I was so afraid of dating a Naija man bcos I thought he would be like my father. My most interesting and fufiling relationship so far, because it brought me so much growth, was with a Naijarican man and no he was not like man father. The "rican" part makes a difference 'cos he can connect with my Naijarican self. I am still very open to dating and marrying a non-naija. Kpankpando, yes O! I agree with you he should be able to wash his hands and chow down to all of the Nigerian delicacies I like especially amala, ewedu, obe and the meat/shaki. Edikaikong, Atama, Egusi, Nkasi, ogi and akara. Okay I am getting carried away. lol! I have not had most of these dishes in ages. Maybe I should find a Naija restaurant and get my grub on this weekend. Have a great weekend Bella!

catwalq said...

I am with Kpakpando. But he has to learn Yoruba and eat pepper and salt in his food.

Anonymous said...

right now the love of my life is from burkina Faso and im nigerian we ve been together almost three yrs and hes amazing....every one is saying i ll love to marry a naija guy to share the same cultures..i ve been exposed to different people from other parts of Africa having lived in some other African countries and all the cultures and even languages have lots of similarities...i wud not date a naija guy ever after tasting from other african places...my last nigerian bf was always trying to borrow money and wat not from me...and they all think they are born players...abeg jo spare me the trauma...anyways i will not follow oyinbo sha...

P:S i love ur blogg bellanaija i m here every morn before work

Tara said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tara said...

I am a Nigerian married to a white American man. We have never had any issues regarding race, maybe the occasional ones most married couples encounter. We are very happy and I don't regret marrying him. We respect each other and he treats me like a queen! I think blacks, especially African women should be more open to dating outside their ethnic group or race. :)

Naija guru said...

Sure because I lived in other african countries, and love visiting the caribbean.
my ex was African-American, dated for 5yrs, he even went to Nigeria, things just werent the same as my current bf who is Nigerian and amazing. I dont have to explain everything all the time. Ex understood pidgin but just never felt he measured up to me as a non-Nigerian. I can say it did set my standards high and I found it hard to relate to some Naija guys while dating after that, as God would have it, it all worked out. I dont have to explain things all the time, which sometimes affects the dynamics of the relationship, he knows to give an older person something with his right hand lol things like that. My man is a great mix of both worlds!

Arewa said...

I hope u have a lovely time in Egypt....

Asper dating Naija guys : i think it is more to do with the individual than where they are from. I am Ghanaian but have never seriously dated a Ghanaian Guy...my ex boyfriend was Nigerian and i had a terrible experience with him(lets just say he liked being a playa..which explains why he is still seriously single and looking hard)
See me bad mouthing ooh..well where was i ... my current boyfriend id also Nigerian and very different from my ex.
I dont think that the success of ones relationship has anything to do with with ones nationality but rather the sort of person that they are...
Dunno abt going out with a white or Asian guy .. i just dont swing that way ....Dark chocolate is more my type sha! .....x x

I havent seen ur fingerprints on my page yet... do stop by sometime ...x x x

BOBBY said...

The only non naija guy i ever dated was from Tobago...very nice guy, his family was great, he was great and all, but it just wansnt for me.

There is something about naija boys...

Anonymous said...

meeen....y'all should try them Greek dudes! Uhmmm...NOTE: don't expect marriage oh!

Mrs Somebody said...

Bella this your...eeemm..... topic on the eve of your...eemm.... trip to egypt.Are you thinking what I'm thinking????.....Non-Nigerian guys???... Egyptian dudes???

Anonymous said...

Hello all, this is my first time visiting and enjoying all the comments. I am an American-born Nigerian woman and I appreciate what other women have said. Althouhg, in reality, there are many Naija women (who are not writing their comments)who would live and die to marry a Nigerian man. It's what our culture brainwashes us to desire from the time we're young. Even being born and raised in America, my parents would always tell me that I shouldn't bring home any "stupid akata" man b/c they have no culture. I have to admit, I also grew up with the fairytale desires of having a Naija traditional wedding and being with someone to whom I didn't have to explain all the details of Yoruba culture. Being that I don't speak Yoruba very well, I also didn't want to marry an American and have my kids totally lose their Nigerian culture. All that being said, what I've noticed is that (in general) Naija culture lacks a certain sensitivity that American culture has. Americans hold hands, kiss in public, openly discuss issues, and aren't afraid to express their feelings. I'm not saying that American culture is perfect (far from it actually), but Nigerian's are raised to keep their emotions hidden. Many of our men are also raised in polygamous families and watch their mothers accept that crap. So, they don't grow up with that sensitive nurturing and compassion that eventually wreaks havock on their future relationships without them being aware of it. So, who suffers? We women. I was blessed enough to find a lovely Naija man, but I had to help "smoothen" out his "rough edges". Overall, God doesn't place a color on love, we should broaden our horizens, and we should raise our boys to be loving and caring for the next generation of women!

Unsigned said...

African men have this "Okoknkwo complex" (think Things Fall Apart), serioulsy no matter how educated and exposed to Western culture they are - they still have this certain mentality regarding the place of women in society. That whole controlling your women, not being expressive with your feelings, never ever displaying any sign of weakness...it's great sometimes, but other times I also need a man to be human! Honestly if I end up being married to a Nigerian man, I would really shock myself.

TWayne said...

I definitely would date a non-Nigerian.... preferably a white guy. Nigerian guys just have an ego and a complex! And our parents seem to encourage them. I've heard some parents admonishing their daughters for leaving men who cheated on them because according to them "he only cheated". Worse, they begin to tell their own stories and you begin to think..."when did this stop being about me and start being about you".

Nigerian men think it's their right to cheat and do not even feel any remorse these days. It's sad! At least a white guy would feel sad.... even if for nothing else, for getting caught. And they seem to have a heart, which is more than I can say for Nigerian men.

I've heard so many horror stories to last me a lifetime. Not that i would completely blank one that comes my way. I just wouldn't be fixated on finding a Nigerian.

SapphireAster said...

Have fun in Egypt..I really want to know what you do!

As per men...I am with a caucasian American and I am happy. What if we were brought up differently? Its that difference gan gan that even attracts me to him. I love it when we talk about our families and how things are/were done. I love how he's introduced me to so many different things (music, food, values) and how i have intoduced him to plantain, tuface (lol) and Nigeria as a whole. I am happy when he reads nigerian news online and sends me a link...I like how he really cares about me...SapphireAster. I like how he gets along with my friends and 'gists' and adds the o's and sha's fo good measure. life is good. skin color is only skin deep.
I Choose to enjoy and explore our different cultures instead of finding excuses...Love is a beautiful thing!

ChaCha said...

Something to really think about. The most important thing is to be with someone who can bring the whole mountain to you...hehe

Anonymous said...

I have actually been seriously thinking very recently to date outside of West Africa... I'm surfing over to the East coast of Africa for a while.. this should be an interesting experience.. u know try something new

BeautyinBaltimore said...

I am willing to date a black man from any part of the world but I don't know if I would/could have a successful relationship with a traditional Naija man. I think the fussing and need to be in control would get to me after a while.

Jamaican men have a reputation for controlling and beating their girlfriends. All island men have a reputation of destroying a woman's life after sleeping with said woman(for an example see Lauryn Hill). I have not dated an Island man as of yet and am a little afraid to do so.

I hate stereotypes but I guess this is about our experiences.

I also have a problem with African-American men in that there are so few to choose from. I don't know if I could go Oyimbo maybe maybe not.

I guess it all boils down to the person. The funny thing is many Asian women(in the states Asian is Chinese, Japanese and Koren) date white men because they claim that they are more sensitive and less traditional than Asian men.

Unfortunately, throughout the world most men have little respect for women so I guess it comes down to choosing a good man.

P.S. Nigerian woman in Norway if you read this by chance can you please update your blog. I like it a lot, and since you don't allow comments on your blog this is the only way that I can communicate with you.

catwalq said...

CATWALQ ACADEMIE II HAS BEEN POSTED....

Anonymous said...

Hi everyone,

I am from the Caribbean, Trinidad specifically. I discovered this blogsite while looking for information on Nigeria (particularly fashion and culture). U c i am currently dating a Nigerian in Trinidad. So to put a spin on things... I have dated other men from the Caribbean but I think it was by design that I met this Nigerian........

Though from different countries I am continually finding out that we share similar values and beliefs which is refreshing.....

suffice it to say I still need to learn Igbo and my friends find it difficult to understand his english......

Alot of people here hold the sterotype that African men are possessive so they are skeptical when they hear I am dating one.....but i am satisfied with what I have seen thus far (2years now).

de'-tente said...

i have never really seen colours.just people.

dago said...

I especially like the comment that said to raise our boys well so the next generation of women can benefit. i think its all about the person. i have a kid brother and i'm soo impressed by how he treats his girlfriends. so yes, there are good naija men out there. secure men don't need their women to worship them at home. It is those men who are not taken very seriously in public that come home and want to play god.lol. just look for a succesful naija man who's mum is dead.lol.

Anonymous said...

My mother is black spanish and my dad is nigerian..yet all my boyfriends have been nigerian. I find they have that drive, arrogance/confidence, and family values which I need. If I can find another guy that has all these qualities and wouldn't turn his nose up when I'm travelling to my parent's countries....I think I could give it a try!

Ms-timi said...

I would, and have, dated men from different countries that are not Nigerian even oyinbo sef! But I know myself I am a true Naija babe...when it comes time to marry the guy will have to be Nigierian oh...because my kids must know Nigeria well!

temmy tayo said...

No 49 isnt that bad is it??? I alwyas get here late. How is Egypt by the way?

How I wish it isnt too late for me to try and date a non Nigerian.

Waffarian said...

NIGERIAN MEN? TUFIAKWA! they are all evil! yes oh, I am bitter, but only having a relationship with one was the worst experience of my life, talkless of marrying one!

God forbid bad thing!

tatafo! said...

One more day to nominate bellanaija for best international blog at the black weblog awards y'all
http://www.blackweblogawards.com/

Anonymous said...

This is mostly for Waffy and others...

Yes, SOME of our men are bad, but we have good ones. That you had a bad relationship with one or two Niaja men should not reflect an entire nation. Our men's positives far out weigh their drawbacks, you just have to know what to focus on, Nigerian men are not the only ones who cheat, lie, control, dominate and beat their women.That is not to say I condone such distasteful behavior. If "others" "something new" were soo fabulous and treat their women like gold, why then do they have overcrowded shelters for abused women in the West? Why do the Police look at the partner/spouse first when a woman goes missing/killed? what about incest /pedophilia?
The same way some of you swear against ever dating a Naija man is the same way some of our men swear against dating a Naija girl because of 1 bad experience. And then we see them with their "other" girlfriends and we bemoan the fact that there are no good naija men, especially abroad. I recall my husband's friend saying "Nigerian girls have too much wahala", he has a biracial live-in lover , who every once in a while locks him out of their apartment, they are supposed to get married but the guy has a major case of cold feet.Now how many nigerian girls do you know that lock their man out as a routine? Be careful about what you say to yourself because it is reinforced in your intentions, if you always complain about and focus on how bad Naija men are , you will only attract the bad ones, the common denominator is you. So ask yourself, WHY DO I KEEP ATTRACTING THE BAD MEN? What is it about me that makes me get the bad ones? What are the values i look for in a mate? Are my standards real values or superficial? How did I meet my mate? Was he cheating with me? If he cheats with you, he will cheat on you.
Was I swayed by his words or his actions? Remember love is an action, not only words. How does he love me, by being there or by buying me things?
Conclusion, love who loves you, but remember to learn to love yourself first. If you love yourself, you will not put up with certain things and you will learn to know what is not good for you.
HAPPY LOVING. ( Corny, I know, but oh so true.)

Anonymous said...

@ Anonymous (6.03 pm)

I feel you...

Anonymous said...

There is no such thing as a bad race only bad people. I think women are confused about what they want, one minute you want to be loved, doted on, decisions made for you, etc and the next you are crying for independence. Show me a woman who doesnt like a an independent man with a mind of his and a fair amount of swagger to go with it. The same women who are against dating naija men are the ones who cry wolf when african americans, whites, asians etc start displaying the negativities of their culture like killing or kidnapping wife or gf, peodophilia, frequent jail stints, etc, all i say is to " to each is own" whatever choice of man you choose remember that you are the one that will go to bed with him, share a home with him, and make a life with him. So please choose wisely

Anonymous said...

This is shallow talk i know, but if you must marry a non-Nigerian, make sure he is black. When last did you sit down next to an old white man, eeeewww, liver spots anyone?What about when they gain weight,God abeg oh!(that was especially for waffarian) Pronounced green raised varicose veins anyone ( have you seen Clint Eastwoods legs?) it's all good when they are young and because of media influence we say they are hot! hot!hot! but before you marry one and have daughters with "curly hair" think about 30 years from now.As for "brown" Asian men, all that hair is making me itch just thinking about it, especially the ear hairs. As for the 'yellow' asians, small you- know-what, 30 years from now, bow legs.Now which race have I not insulted yet, let me think...everyone else is in between.I am a bad person,there is a special pert of hell reserved fo r me tee hee. Remember children, BLACK DON'T CRACK.

Anonymous said...

I am definitely willing to try other nationalities. I have been married and have dated only Nigerian men. I have come to the conclusion that they are selfish, useless and cheats. Next time around, Nigerian men are totally out of the question.

@last anonymous before me, you think black men age any better? old age is old age, we will all get saggy and have wrinkles, black or white.

Tutsy said...

Enjoy Egypt o jare, i have always wanted to visit...take a picture of those pyramids and shit. Heard its alot of fun. Enjoy!

To answer ur question.....hell yes i would date a non-Nigerian..,.marry? errrrr i don't know sha. But like the saying goes, Never say Never...who knows i just might end up with a white man.

Anonymous said...

iv dated guys from all nationalities and of different races and i can assure u- THEY ARE ALL THE SAME!!! but to be honest, i think Nigerian men have been the worst so far, i mean think of all the bad qualities a man can have and iv experienced it wit the Nigerian men. so for that reason, i hope NOT to marry a Naija dude.

Idemili said...

I don't know. I think you'd have to seriously desensitise yourself to Parental/African/Igbo [insert own tribe, but we all know Igbos are the most 'Imunimous' - derived from the Igbo phrase 'Ime Uno' or 'Im'uno' meaning 'Inside house']expectations. his can be very difficult if you have never really disappointed your parents before and they have speant a lot on your education, etc. It will be like 'So this stupid efulefu will now eat what I have spent all this time cooking?'

I have only dated non-Nigerians twice. One was all heat and no substance = hot crap. The other...well, let's just say, I'm still of a 'Siddon Look' position.

Anonymous said...

I am 30 years old and right now, for the first time in my life, I am considering dating other nationalities. I am through with our men. Their wahala is too much and from my experience are lazy! The small job they do, we should kiss their ass for it, meanwhile, we also have jobs, cook, clean. I am sick of their constant whining and nagging plus they are all ashawos.

Mari said...

Have tons of fun in Egypt!

truth said...

Yeah I also want to know what you do and what your 1st degree is in Bella. That's not too much info for your online pips is it?

Though I've never dated a foreigner i am open to it....oops its too late though, i've made my final pick and frankly though I'm a culture freak, for someone who travels to his hometown every year he isn't much of one.




Growing up i always thought i'll marry a non-Nigerian.... I totally agree with Anon 3:20pm view on Black American men; from merely interacting with some they do think, by showing interest in you, they are doing you a favor.

That said there are wacked and great men in every race. Just be sure he is what you want not what your momma wants.

Anonymous said...

I have always thought I'd fall in love with a black man, we do not choose who we love. I have been married for 10 years now, to a japanese and we are happy and blessed with two kids. He is a wonderful husband and father. I wish you all luck.

Anonymous said...

tried dating a carribean and african american......no sir!!!!didnt work out.dating a naija guy now and its great

Anonymous said...

Nigerian men are all ashawos.

Mona said...

I would consider it...

Olubunmi said...

First time commenting on your blog, I am a fan and I absolutely love your blog. It is well written and contains fabulous information about the Nigerian Fashion and Entertainment Industries.

As per your question about dating outside of Nigerian Men, that all depends on what is best for that particular individual. I enjoyed reading all the comments so far and it is amazing how we have similar or disimilar views on dating within or outside Nigeria.

From my experience there are good and bad men in all races, tribes, etc. It is only by the grace of God that you meet the right man for you.

Most Men have the following good and bad characteristics

The Bad
1. Most men are chauvinistic
2. Most men have attachments to their mothers (in particular) and family
3. Most men cheat (it is not a race thing), the one woman one man thing is hard for them to comprehend. They (men) see it as a jail sentence. It is only those of them that don't like the wahala of diffent women and pikin all around wey dey siddon with one woman.
4. Most men are arrogant
5. Most men want you to kiss their backside for doing one small thing
6. Most men will compare you to their mothers whether you like it or not. She is the first woman he ever knew and loved or hated so he gats to have a bench mark. Just like how we compare them to our fathers, brothers, friends, cousins, etc
7. Most men are competitive to the point of stupidity especially when they see their friends
8. Most men don't know how to listen and think they need to solve everything when you just wan yan
The list goes on...

The Good
1. He complements you, he makes up your other half
2. Most men will do anything for their women even climb mount everest (even if he does know how) just because you love him, believe in him and he wants you to be proud of him
3. Most men will willing die for their woman/child(ren)
4. Most men want to take care of their family and do the best for them
5. Most men think their woman is the most beautiful in the world and they are the envy of all men
6. Most men are kind and decent and respect their woman
7. Most men are generous and treat their woman well
8. Most men know and understand that you are number one and nothing else apart from God comes first.
The list goes on...

Conclusion

Whom we chose should primarily be that he complements us, we find him attractive, he is loving, caring, our soulmate, understanding, wise, intelligent, culturally and worldy educateded, respectful, beautiful inside and outside, etc. I believe its a man's qualities that define him not his race, citizenship or tribe.

As for me from my experience, I find that Nigerian men ground me. The anonymous comments earlier nailed it for me when they talked about someone who understands where you are from whom you dont have to explain things to (i.e. we have similar backgrounds, culture, et al), I also love the ability of speaking pidgin, yoruba, ibo or hausa with my man. Irrespective of that I am open to what God destines for me whether na Niger man or Non Niger man the important thing be say after God na me be the alpha and omega in im heart.

Labelle said...

lol! at all the comments...but I must agree with Olubunmi's conclusion...

Anonymous said...

lol at all the comments especially from Waffarian. It's seems everyone here live outside Nigeria. I live in Nigeria and have visited European countries. I have had a "THING" with an Oyinbo and it wasn't half bad. However i must agree that Nigerian men no be am. I was molested from when i was 6yrs by Nigerian men as have most people i know. They actually think it's alright and that makes me weary. I totally agree that upbringing has a big part to play. My Dad wasn't a model husband or father and i watch my brothers follow suit and treat their wives like crap (except my oldest brother). Will i marry a non Naija guy? Definitely!!!

Chronicles of a Naija Lady said...

Wow, these comments are pretty interesting. I think it's ok to leave your options open. You just never know who your soulmate will turn out to be!

Dupe said...

Hmmmmmm, I have thought about it, although I have never been brave enough to try it. Maybe I will, this one that my naija guy is now expecting his food on tray for every meal.

Anonymous said...

I have no problems whatsoever dating non-Nigerian men. Given a choice, I actually prefer it. I have been almost there with a non-Nigerian (a black African) and it was a very good experience. We still talk and we have a good friendship.

I had problems with Nigerian men. The ones I dated were conceited but maybe we just didn't connect. It was probably as much my fault as it was theirs.

Anonymous said...

Hey all! Just happened to stumble on this site - very diverse and interesting comments.
I'm in my early 30's and have lived in England for most of my adult life. Like a lot on Naija women i absolutely love my country and was always of the opinion that i dare not even date (not to mention marry) a non-Naija (ka ma so oyinbo translation: not even mention oyinbo). Basically, never dated a non-Ng.
But the truth is, after being married to a Naija man for a few years, its so obvious to me, that we have a totally different orientations. Lets just say we are very rapidly on our way to getting divorced. Sometimes, i think maybe i was just unlucky to choose the wrong guy, but at same time, i look at my friends who live in Nigeria and are married to 9ja men, and i really dont see many characteristics different from those of my soon-2-b-ex husband.
Knowing what i know now, i wish i had just been a tinny bit more open-minded.
But anyway, better late than never. Once i am divorced, i intend to broaden my horizon a tard. Who knows where ones happiness lies. So girls, if you are lucky to find a 'good' 9ja man (there r bound to b a few), hey, by all means, solidify the r/ship, otherwise, plsssss dont settle for less, just because he's 9ja.
Especially for those of us that have had the 4tune or mis4tune of living abroad. You find the ideas and attitude to life r totally dfrt. A gd # of our 9ja men lack the level of sensitivity or intimacy required. Our culture tends to give our men an exaggerated notion of what it means to b a man (or mayb they've just decided to define it 2 suit themselves). The other things to be conscious of, r the fact that our society does not view womanising or wife-battering, as that big a deal. So plssss find ur happiness in whatever skin or colour. Your kids, u can bring up to be as 9ja as u like - without the negative traits.
Good luck, girls and remember love knows no boundary in terms of colour or origin.
Anonymous

Zahratique said...

It's been a while bella...UPDATE! Hehe, nah take ur time...hope u r enjoying egypt.

Favoured Girl said...

I never dated a non-Nigerian, but I would have been open to it if I had the chance. To me, it's more about the person inside and not their nationality or race. There are good people and bad people in every race. I think the problem with a lot of Nigerian men is that our culture allows them to do anything they like with women and get away with it. Furthermore, many Nigerian guys didn't have fathers that showed them good examples of how to treat their women so the vicious cycle continues. However, there are still good guys out there, so whatever race or tribe, it's the individual that matters.

Ondo Lady said...

There was a time when I could never see myself with anyone but a Nigerian guy. However over the last few years I have realised that it is a big old world. Yes it is wonderful to be with someone who you share a common language, culture and customs with but if that person is old fashioned, inconsiderate, inflexible and stiffling then all of that common ground is negate. I think it is better to be with a man who loves you and respects you for who you are. So to answer your question yes I would date a guy who was non-Nigerian but I would draw the line at dating a white guy. Don't ask me why, that is just the way it is.

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Anonymous said...

naija guys are very selfish in bed, and dont care about feelings at all. They are born playas!!!