Hey Everyone,
How's it going? How is your week so far....Mine has been 'eventful'....its just been one of those weeks when I'm just like 'Jesus Take The Wheel' cause I really cant hack this stress and decisions on my own.
Anyways, its all good. Most of it is sorted now! I am still enjoying my lil break. Feels so good not to be working 24/7!
So its been a long time since we have had Aunty Bella on the blog. Please send any Aunty Bella issues to bellanaija @ gmail.com. For those who dont know, this is our agony aunt column. So if you have any issues, share them anonymously with Bella Naija readers. You will be amazed by the fab advice u will receive. Also if you are interested in submitting a story to BN Prose. Please send to bellanaija @ gmail.com as well. This is for short stories which are completely fictional or heavily embellished.
For previous Aunty Bella features, click below - HERE
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Dear Aunty Bella,
I started dating my boyfriend about 6 months ago.
He is in his early thirties and doing well career wise and financially. I am 31, have a masters degree and a stable job, emotionally mature with a strong sense of self. I'm sure you know where this is heading.
Our relationship has been going very well. We click, get along well, I have met his friends and his younger sisters and all is well.
Now to the issue, I know it is early days (we have only dated for 6 months after all) but my boyfriend has made it clear that he does not see himself getting married for at least the next 5 years. I have asked why and he has just said that he is not ready and that is the minimum time he needs. You know those early relationships questions like how many children do you want to have, when do you see yourself getting married etc...
During that time, he said that he wanted to make his view clear to me so it wouldn't seem like he is misleading me.
He has now turned it into a mantra.
I find that even when we are having general conversations, he repeats it. I will give you an example, we attended a birthday party for one of his friend's young children and as I was cooing over the cute child, he mentioned again that he doesn't see himself becoming a father for a long time.
I am confused as per what to do. I am not desperate to get married ASAP but will like to be in a relationship that is clearly heading in that direction. Women's Lib aside, there is a family history of infertility so the sooner I get married and start trying, the better for me but I am not desperate. I was previously in a very long term relationship (6 years) that did not work out. Long story but I was bold enough to break it off but I am now very weary.
I am wondering that all this about him not wanting to get married in the next couple of years translates into him not wanting to get married to ME!
Everything else in my current relationship is fine except this.
Help!
Miss Time
Showing posts with label Aunty Bella Series. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Aunty Bella Series. Show all posts
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Monday, October 29, 2007
AUNTY BELLA - MISS CONFUSED
Hey Everyone!!!
What’s good? Hope your weekend went well.
Mine was really good! I went to the spa for a facial and a massage…blissful!
Plus one of my lil’ sisters was around so that was really cool.
Anyways, I know its usually a Thursday thing but I had to make an exception and bring Aunty Bella in on a Monday.
Hope y’all are ready to unleash the advice.
Dear Aunty Bella,
Hope your readers can help out.
My boyfriend (maybe its ex-boyfriend now) and have been dating for almost a year now. We met each other last year and were casual friends (as in hi, hello friends) until he started calling more often, started saying he fancied me etc…
I thought he was a really nice guy and everything but I refused to hang out with him or go on a date with him because of a variety of reasons.
The main reason being that at that point, I had already made plans to move away from Alaska* where we both lived. I also felt that bf and I were a bit of a mismatch because he is about 8 years older than me, he is very chilled out and takes a ‘lets see how each days goes’ approach to life while I am super ambitious and have a ‘lets take the bull by the horns’ approach to everything.
Anyways, I don’t know what happened because one day I woke up and started fancying Mr. BF, as in I totally just saw him in a different light. That was how the relationship started. I have to confess that Mr. bf is a perfect gentleman. As in, a dream boyfriend - Sweet, caring, affectionate, generous and everything. Really, really, no drama. Nigerian girls, you know how rare guys like this are. Just in case you have forgotten, go to figurella’s blog to refresh your memory!
So after some months, the time came for me to move away from Alaska. It was a really difficult time because I was scared that I was not making the right decision but I really hated Alaska and got a really great job in Lagos. Mr. bf actually asked me not to move but I said that I had to. We talked about the whole thing and agreed to continue long distance even though we are both ‘against’ long distance relationships. I also agreed that I would consider moving back to Alaska after a year but gave no guarantees.
That was how the issues just escalated, as soon as the whole long distance thing started; it got really difficult with the time difference and all that. Also, we both have very demanding jobs so many times we would want to talk but would be just too exhausted to do so. We started having more and more little arguments which ended up escalating to huge ones. Being that Mr. bf is a very chilled person, he hates fighting and is very non-confrontational so this put a huge strain on things. Anyways, mr. bf came to visit and the whole trip was going well until we had another huge fight and he ended up going back to Alaska quite upset.
From that point, it was as if something was just lost. Everytime we spoke, it just wasn’t the same feeling but from my side the reason for all the fighting was the whole moving thing. It just put me on the edge and made me pick on every other thing.
We talked and mr. bf asked why I hadn’t started making plans to move back to Alaska and I said I didn’t see myself moving back there anytime soon and he made it clear that he saw Alaska as his permanent base for the next 5 years at least.
As I said, mr. bf is 8 years older than me so is looking for a relationship that has a ‘clear future’, that is why he really wants to know if and when I will move back to Alaska. I on the other hand, could see a future with mr. bf but am not in a hurry and especially do not want to go back and live in Alaska (as in the place is very boring and cold)
So my question is what should I do?
Should we just let go of the relationship because we both don’t want to move?
Should we try to make it work? How can it work?
Ladies, would you leave your successful career in a place which you love to move to a city you dislike for your man?
I love Mr. bf and really don’t want to lose him (hmmm might have already…) but its like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, I want to be with bf. On the other hand, I feel this will mean letting go of a huge chunk of my aspirations and therefore will leave me bitter later.
Pleasssssssse help.
Miss Between A Rock & A Hard Place aka Ms. Confused
*Some details have been coded
What’s good? Hope your weekend went well.
Mine was really good! I went to the spa for a facial and a massage…blissful!
Plus one of my lil’ sisters was around so that was really cool.
Anyways, I know its usually a Thursday thing but I had to make an exception and bring Aunty Bella in on a Monday.
Hope y’all are ready to unleash the advice.
Dear Aunty Bella,
Hope your readers can help out.
My boyfriend (maybe its ex-boyfriend now) and have been dating for almost a year now. We met each other last year and were casual friends (as in hi, hello friends) until he started calling more often, started saying he fancied me etc…
I thought he was a really nice guy and everything but I refused to hang out with him or go on a date with him because of a variety of reasons.
The main reason being that at that point, I had already made plans to move away from Alaska* where we both lived. I also felt that bf and I were a bit of a mismatch because he is about 8 years older than me, he is very chilled out and takes a ‘lets see how each days goes’ approach to life while I am super ambitious and have a ‘lets take the bull by the horns’ approach to everything.
Anyways, I don’t know what happened because one day I woke up and started fancying Mr. BF, as in I totally just saw him in a different light. That was how the relationship started. I have to confess that Mr. bf is a perfect gentleman. As in, a dream boyfriend - Sweet, caring, affectionate, generous and everything. Really, really, no drama. Nigerian girls, you know how rare guys like this are. Just in case you have forgotten, go to figurella’s blog to refresh your memory!
So after some months, the time came for me to move away from Alaska. It was a really difficult time because I was scared that I was not making the right decision but I really hated Alaska and got a really great job in Lagos. Mr. bf actually asked me not to move but I said that I had to. We talked about the whole thing and agreed to continue long distance even though we are both ‘against’ long distance relationships. I also agreed that I would consider moving back to Alaska after a year but gave no guarantees.
That was how the issues just escalated, as soon as the whole long distance thing started; it got really difficult with the time difference and all that. Also, we both have very demanding jobs so many times we would want to talk but would be just too exhausted to do so. We started having more and more little arguments which ended up escalating to huge ones. Being that Mr. bf is a very chilled person, he hates fighting and is very non-confrontational so this put a huge strain on things. Anyways, mr. bf came to visit and the whole trip was going well until we had another huge fight and he ended up going back to Alaska quite upset.
From that point, it was as if something was just lost. Everytime we spoke, it just wasn’t the same feeling but from my side the reason for all the fighting was the whole moving thing. It just put me on the edge and made me pick on every other thing.
We talked and mr. bf asked why I hadn’t started making plans to move back to Alaska and I said I didn’t see myself moving back there anytime soon and he made it clear that he saw Alaska as his permanent base for the next 5 years at least.
As I said, mr. bf is 8 years older than me so is looking for a relationship that has a ‘clear future’, that is why he really wants to know if and when I will move back to Alaska. I on the other hand, could see a future with mr. bf but am not in a hurry and especially do not want to go back and live in Alaska (as in the place is very boring and cold)
So my question is what should I do?
Should we just let go of the relationship because we both don’t want to move?
Should we try to make it work? How can it work?
Ladies, would you leave your successful career in a place which you love to move to a city you dislike for your man?
I love Mr. bf and really don’t want to lose him (hmmm might have already…) but its like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, I want to be with bf. On the other hand, I feel this will mean letting go of a huge chunk of my aspirations and therefore will leave me bitter later.
Pleasssssssse help.
Miss Between A Rock & A Hard Place aka Ms. Confused
*Some details have been coded
Thursday, June 21, 2007
AUNTY BELLA - MISS NEW LEAF
Dear Aunty Bella,
I really enjoy all the Aunty Bella series and would like to share my dilemma with you.
I just turned 30 and feel like I have finally reached a turning point in my life.
See from my teens and all through most of my twenties, I was a real WILD CHILD.
I used to be very quiet, reserved and shy as a child but I was one of those girls that developed very early physically. My father is white while my mother is Nigerian so I am of mixed heritage. Along with all that came a false sense of confidence, boys (and men) were constantly chasing after me. I never had to do any work in school or elsewhere. Guys would do my homework for me, buy things for me etc…
I never knew my father, as I believe he was on a posting to Nigeria when my mother got pregnant and he left soon after never to be heard from again.
My mother tried her best but we never had much but from meeting me, you would never guess. I always looked well dressed and well groomed from head to toe.
When I was 18 and awaiting admission to university, I met this older gentleman who started ‘taking care of me’. Since my teens, I had had boyfriends who spoilt me but this was on another level, he sent me to school in Europe and just showed me the so-called ‘luxury’ life. I am talking about diamonds, trips round the world, living in the Dorchester for months and all that.
All this time, I told everyone I met that my father was a late European royal who died and left me his inheritance to explain how I could afford my lifestyle.
When I was in Europe, I rebelled against my older ‘boyfriend’ (this man was actually older than my father) and started keeping other boyfriends and that is how my life started to spiral further downwards.
My boyfriend dropped me and stopped paying my fees. All the guys that I was dating suddenly disappeared when I could not afford to keep up with the spending (I later realized that many of these guys were after ‘my money’ and fictional ‘inheritance’)
To cut the long story short, my twenties were filled drugs, men, hopping from one place to the other, squatting with friends and generally having no direction in life. I finally moved back to Nigeria about 3 years ago, I got here and continued on the same path of partying and men. 2 years ago, I woke up one morning and it was as if I saw myself for who I truly was. I looked in the mirror and cried. I looked old, gaunt, saggy and used. I cried for hours but that was a turning point. I prayed, I moved away from Lagos and built my relationship with God. Somehow, my pastor’s wife who had a similar background took me under her wing, allowed me to stay in their house and got me a job. I am now doing very well in my job and happy with my life. The problem is that after being celibate and staying off men for these 2 years, I have finally met someone who respects me. He is courting me in the Christian way and is very serious about our relationship. Here is my problem, I don’t know if to tell him about my past. Bella and readers, I have done some unimaginable things, things that you only read about in novels, the wildest things you can imagine both with drugs and men. It took me a long time to forgive myself but even now I still have crying fits and feelings of depression because of the wasted years.
My man is a saint, believe it or not, he is a successful, handsome man in his thirties yet he is celibate and focused on his relationship with Christ, he was born in Nigeria but grew up in the US and doesn’t have that many friends in Nigeria (I am guessing that is why he has not heard my story). I feel the need to tell him my story but I am scared that even though he loves me, he will not be able to handle it, other men who seemed serious have dropped me in the past once they found out about my past so you see why I am afraid. When I have children in the future (especially daughters), I don’t know if to tell them about my life as well.
Please what should I do, should I tell him or just enter this marriage like that.
Also, I am afraid that if I don’t tell him, one of his friends or family will spill the beans later. Please help!
Miss New Leaf
WOW! Please give her your advice. I admire Miss New Leaf for overcoming her past.
I really enjoy all the Aunty Bella series and would like to share my dilemma with you.
I just turned 30 and feel like I have finally reached a turning point in my life.
See from my teens and all through most of my twenties, I was a real WILD CHILD.
I used to be very quiet, reserved and shy as a child but I was one of those girls that developed very early physically. My father is white while my mother is Nigerian so I am of mixed heritage. Along with all that came a false sense of confidence, boys (and men) were constantly chasing after me. I never had to do any work in school or elsewhere. Guys would do my homework for me, buy things for me etc…
I never knew my father, as I believe he was on a posting to Nigeria when my mother got pregnant and he left soon after never to be heard from again.
My mother tried her best but we never had much but from meeting me, you would never guess. I always looked well dressed and well groomed from head to toe.
When I was 18 and awaiting admission to university, I met this older gentleman who started ‘taking care of me’. Since my teens, I had had boyfriends who spoilt me but this was on another level, he sent me to school in Europe and just showed me the so-called ‘luxury’ life. I am talking about diamonds, trips round the world, living in the Dorchester for months and all that.
All this time, I told everyone I met that my father was a late European royal who died and left me his inheritance to explain how I could afford my lifestyle.
When I was in Europe, I rebelled against my older ‘boyfriend’ (this man was actually older than my father) and started keeping other boyfriends and that is how my life started to spiral further downwards.
My boyfriend dropped me and stopped paying my fees. All the guys that I was dating suddenly disappeared when I could not afford to keep up with the spending (I later realized that many of these guys were after ‘my money’ and fictional ‘inheritance’)
To cut the long story short, my twenties were filled drugs, men, hopping from one place to the other, squatting with friends and generally having no direction in life. I finally moved back to Nigeria about 3 years ago, I got here and continued on the same path of partying and men. 2 years ago, I woke up one morning and it was as if I saw myself for who I truly was. I looked in the mirror and cried. I looked old, gaunt, saggy and used. I cried for hours but that was a turning point. I prayed, I moved away from Lagos and built my relationship with God. Somehow, my pastor’s wife who had a similar background took me under her wing, allowed me to stay in their house and got me a job. I am now doing very well in my job and happy with my life. The problem is that after being celibate and staying off men for these 2 years, I have finally met someone who respects me. He is courting me in the Christian way and is very serious about our relationship. Here is my problem, I don’t know if to tell him about my past. Bella and readers, I have done some unimaginable things, things that you only read about in novels, the wildest things you can imagine both with drugs and men. It took me a long time to forgive myself but even now I still have crying fits and feelings of depression because of the wasted years.
My man is a saint, believe it or not, he is a successful, handsome man in his thirties yet he is celibate and focused on his relationship with Christ, he was born in Nigeria but grew up in the US and doesn’t have that many friends in Nigeria (I am guessing that is why he has not heard my story). I feel the need to tell him my story but I am scared that even though he loves me, he will not be able to handle it, other men who seemed serious have dropped me in the past once they found out about my past so you see why I am afraid. When I have children in the future (especially daughters), I don’t know if to tell them about my life as well.
Please what should I do, should I tell him or just enter this marriage like that.
Also, I am afraid that if I don’t tell him, one of his friends or family will spill the beans later. Please help!
Miss New Leaf
WOW! Please give her your advice. I admire Miss New Leaf for overcoming her past.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
AUNTY BELLA - MS. FADING SELF-ESTEEM
I know Aunty Bella is usually up on Thurdays but I felt the need to put this up ASAP as I had initially promised to put it up last week. I feel her pain as we all have insecurities especially we, Young Women. I hope she can overcome this and move on. Please offer her some advice.
___________________________________________________________________
Hi Bella,
I'm a single (and yes, I’m searching) 25-year-old lady. I've always loved my body, and thanked God whenever a compliment is passed to me; I’m on the fair side and quite voluptuous.
I can’t really place blame on anything, but ever since I broke up with boyfriend last year, I noticed I’ve gained quite a lot of weight, say 20 pounds (I'm presently weighing in at 192lbs) and I’m really working hard at loosing it, only that it's been so so difficult for me to loose. In addition to the weight, three months ago, I noticed some stretch marks on my arms, and it's becoming more and more obvious.
It's almost summertime now, and I can't even wear either short sleeves, or sleeveless dresses. Imagine, wearing dresses or tops that would be long-sleeved all through the summer? It is killing me and because of my insecurities, I have been declining to go out with friends and family members. I've had four wedding invitations and 6 graduation parties this month, and I haven’t been able to go to any except one, because it was chilly that day, which accounted for me wearing an elbow length sleeved gown. I know, it sounds crazy but that’s how bad it's affecting me.
Bella, the truth is that I’m loosing my self-esteem! I feel my weight may have been putting off guys. Also, I am afraid that even if I start dating again and this new guy sees my stretch marks, How will he react? I don't know what to do, I’ve prayed to God and it seems like the stretch marks are even more obvious on my right arm now. Please, I need help and advice. I have tried several remedies and they don’t seem to work, I'm on a diet now and trying to work out as much as I can. But I would appreciate if you would post out this message and ask for anything I can do. To all the readers please I’m so desperate as in, it's affecting my psyche and like I said my self-esteem is slowly crumbling down. I NEED HELP. Thank u.
Ms. Fading Self-Esteem
~ Personally, I think this is deeper than the stretch mark issue. Perhaps it’s the weight gain but I think Ms. Fading Self Esteem might be carrying some baggage from her previous relationship. Please offer her some advice.
So Ms. Fading sent in an update but it’s quite long so I summarized it, if you want to read the full update, email me - bellanaija@gmail.com
UPDATE SUMMARY:
She and her bf broke up because he said they were both AS, but he knew that in the past and had promised that despite them both being AS he would stay.
She has never been a skinny girl and is not trying to become skinny
She is 5’7
The stretch marks is her major physical issue
Most of her friends are in Nigeria while she is in the US, so she feels isolated
Her closest friend in the US just got married so she has to give her space
Has already lost 3.5lbs and is working on losing more (it’s a start)
Thanks for the advice and she’s glad people kept it real and not as a ‘pity party’
___________________________________________________________________
Hi Bella,
I'm a single (and yes, I’m searching) 25-year-old lady. I've always loved my body, and thanked God whenever a compliment is passed to me; I’m on the fair side and quite voluptuous.
I can’t really place blame on anything, but ever since I broke up with boyfriend last year, I noticed I’ve gained quite a lot of weight, say 20 pounds (I'm presently weighing in at 192lbs) and I’m really working hard at loosing it, only that it's been so so difficult for me to loose. In addition to the weight, three months ago, I noticed some stretch marks on my arms, and it's becoming more and more obvious.
It's almost summertime now, and I can't even wear either short sleeves, or sleeveless dresses. Imagine, wearing dresses or tops that would be long-sleeved all through the summer? It is killing me and because of my insecurities, I have been declining to go out with friends and family members. I've had four wedding invitations and 6 graduation parties this month, and I haven’t been able to go to any except one, because it was chilly that day, which accounted for me wearing an elbow length sleeved gown. I know, it sounds crazy but that’s how bad it's affecting me.
Bella, the truth is that I’m loosing my self-esteem! I feel my weight may have been putting off guys. Also, I am afraid that even if I start dating again and this new guy sees my stretch marks, How will he react? I don't know what to do, I’ve prayed to God and it seems like the stretch marks are even more obvious on my right arm now. Please, I need help and advice. I have tried several remedies and they don’t seem to work, I'm on a diet now and trying to work out as much as I can. But I would appreciate if you would post out this message and ask for anything I can do. To all the readers please I’m so desperate as in, it's affecting my psyche and like I said my self-esteem is slowly crumbling down. I NEED HELP. Thank u.
Ms. Fading Self-Esteem
~ Personally, I think this is deeper than the stretch mark issue. Perhaps it’s the weight gain but I think Ms. Fading Self Esteem might be carrying some baggage from her previous relationship. Please offer her some advice.
So Ms. Fading sent in an update but it’s quite long so I summarized it, if you want to read the full update, email me - bellanaija@gmail.com
UPDATE SUMMARY:
She and her bf broke up because he said they were both AS, but he knew that in the past and had promised that despite them both being AS he would stay.
She has never been a skinny girl and is not trying to become skinny
She is 5’7
The stretch marks is her major physical issue
Most of her friends are in Nigeria while she is in the US, so she feels isolated
Her closest friend in the US just got married so she has to give her space
Has already lost 3.5lbs and is working on losing more (it’s a start)
Thanks for the advice and she’s glad people kept it real and not as a ‘pity party’
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
AUNTY BELLA - UPDATES
Hi Everyone,
A new Aunty Bella case is coming up tomorrow so I think its about time that I compiled all the updates from previous ‘cases’. I have been willing to do this for a while but its been tough compiling all the responses.
Honestly, I have learned a lot from the ‘Aunty Bella’ feature, especially Ms. Cater 2 Me’s case (LOL…No it wasn’t me). Anyway, here goes:
Ms. Frontin’ Don’t Pay
Summary: A guy was chatting her up for a couple of months and she was frontin’ excessively. Dude moved on and she was pained.
Update: Ms. Frontin’ Don’t Pay has been in a relationship for several months. The original dude that she was frontin’ for turned out to be a major jerk as he had a fiancé abroad while he was chasing other girls around Lagos. I guess her frontin’ paid after all!
Ms. Papa Don’t Preach
Summary: She is Yoruba and her fiancé is Igbo. Her dad said No, No NOOOO!
Update: They are married! Her Dad was not ecstatic but accepted his in-laws when they performed the introduction and marriage. Her wedding website was floating around but I cant say who!
Mr. Torn
Summary: Had a long-term girlfriend/fiancé in Nigeria, arrived in the States for his MBA and started a serious affair with another girl.
Update: Coincidentally, I found out that I know who Mr. Torn is! Hahahha…Dude is nice looking o and an Ivy-League MBA scholar. LOL…but on a more serious note. He eventually broke it to his long-term girlfriend in Nigeria and continued to date his new lady. He and the new lady have broken up and he is currently single. Mr. Torn is def. not serious or ready to settle down. In my opinion, the girl in Nigeria should be happy that she dodged the bullet.
Ms. Yoruba Wahala
Summary: Both she and her bf/fiance are Yoruba and based in the US. She is Muslim and he is a Christian. He is almost a decade older and he does not have a degree. Her parents said No because of his lack of a degree plus the fact that he is from one of the ‘Ara-Oke Yoruba states’.
Update: Her bf/fiance is having a baby and she is not the mother! They have broken-up! End of story!
Ms. Cut Your Coat According To Your Size
Summary: UK Bred Nigerian, moved back to Lagos and got caught up in the ‘lifestyle’. She was extremely broke but was still living it up with her friends. She did not know what to do and could not share this information with her friends.
Update: Miss CYCATYS says that she has cut down on some excesses but she is still not financially secure and is still living the Lagos ‘lifestyle’. Sad.
Ms. B-Dilemma
Summary: Has very small breasts, low self-esteem and was considering breast augmentation.
Update: She eventually went ahead with the operation and says she is happy with the physical results but still suffers from low self-esteem. She says she is in therapy. Good luck girl!
Ms. Man Vs Money
Summary: She got a job with an investment bank but her boyfriend (who did not have a permanent job) felt the job would be too stressful and would be detrimental to their future.
Update: She actually rejected the investment banking job (whattttt???), she got a well-paid graduate position with a multi-national firm decided to go with that instead. Her bf proposed but they have since broken up for other reasons.
Ms. Misery
Summary: Well-educated lady in her 30s based in the US. She was miserable because she was not married or in a serious relationship while younger friends and acquaintances are getting married.
Update: Ms. Misery is still single but she says she is no longer miserable! She moved back to Nigeria some months ago, is doing well in a new job and has several guys who are seriously interested and she says she is praying about them.
Ms. Cater 2 Me
Summary: She had a very stingy boyfriend who has never given her a gift in 4 years of dating but he spends a lot of money on himself.
Update: Wrote a letter to her boyfriend detailing how she felt about his stinginess. They had a huge fight after he read the letter. They eventually made up and talked about it. Dude has turned a new leaf.
Mrs. Trapped
Summary: Young married lady who moved to the US to ‘join’ her husband whom she had only met once previously. Since her arrival, she began to feel alienated and timid due to her husband’s incessant jabs about her accent etc…
Update: Mrs Trapped has started her nursing course and attempted to discuss the issue with her husband several times to no avail. He still treats her well and provides for her but she says he is still cold. Her mother has advised her to get pregnant ASAP.
That’s it!
Watch out for tomorrow’s Aunty Bella…
Thanks for all the support so far.
If you have an issue, email bellanaija@gmail.com - its completely confidential
Which ‘Aunty Bella case’ did you relate to or learn the most from. Do you have any new advice for them? Let us know.
A new Aunty Bella case is coming up tomorrow so I think its about time that I compiled all the updates from previous ‘cases’. I have been willing to do this for a while but its been tough compiling all the responses.
Honestly, I have learned a lot from the ‘Aunty Bella’ feature, especially Ms. Cater 2 Me’s case (LOL…No it wasn’t me). Anyway, here goes:
Ms. Frontin’ Don’t PaySummary: A guy was chatting her up for a couple of months and she was frontin’ excessively. Dude moved on and she was pained.
Update: Ms. Frontin’ Don’t Pay has been in a relationship for several months. The original dude that she was frontin’ for turned out to be a major jerk as he had a fiancé abroad while he was chasing other girls around Lagos. I guess her frontin’ paid after all!
Ms. Papa Don’t Preach
Summary: She is Yoruba and her fiancé is Igbo. Her dad said No, No NOOOO!
Update: They are married! Her Dad was not ecstatic but accepted his in-laws when they performed the introduction and marriage. Her wedding website was floating around but I cant say who!
Mr. Torn
Summary: Had a long-term girlfriend/fiancé in Nigeria, arrived in the States for his MBA and started a serious affair with another girl.
Update: Coincidentally, I found out that I know who Mr. Torn is! Hahahha…Dude is nice looking o and an Ivy-League MBA scholar. LOL…but on a more serious note. He eventually broke it to his long-term girlfriend in Nigeria and continued to date his new lady. He and the new lady have broken up and he is currently single. Mr. Torn is def. not serious or ready to settle down. In my opinion, the girl in Nigeria should be happy that she dodged the bullet.
Ms. Yoruba Wahala
Summary: Both she and her bf/fiance are Yoruba and based in the US. She is Muslim and he is a Christian. He is almost a decade older and he does not have a degree. Her parents said No because of his lack of a degree plus the fact that he is from one of the ‘Ara-Oke Yoruba states’.
Update: Her bf/fiance is having a baby and she is not the mother! They have broken-up! End of story!
Ms. Cut Your Coat According To Your Size
Summary: UK Bred Nigerian, moved back to Lagos and got caught up in the ‘lifestyle’. She was extremely broke but was still living it up with her friends. She did not know what to do and could not share this information with her friends.
Update: Miss CYCATYS says that she has cut down on some excesses but she is still not financially secure and is still living the Lagos ‘lifestyle’. Sad.
Ms. B-Dilemma
Summary: Has very small breasts, low self-esteem and was considering breast augmentation.
Update: She eventually went ahead with the operation and says she is happy with the physical results but still suffers from low self-esteem. She says she is in therapy. Good luck girl!
Ms. Man Vs Money
Summary: She got a job with an investment bank but her boyfriend (who did not have a permanent job) felt the job would be too stressful and would be detrimental to their future.
Update: She actually rejected the investment banking job (whattttt???), she got a well-paid graduate position with a multi-national firm decided to go with that instead. Her bf proposed but they have since broken up for other reasons.
Ms. Misery
Summary: Well-educated lady in her 30s based in the US. She was miserable because she was not married or in a serious relationship while younger friends and acquaintances are getting married.
Update: Ms. Misery is still single but she says she is no longer miserable! She moved back to Nigeria some months ago, is doing well in a new job and has several guys who are seriously interested and she says she is praying about them.
Ms. Cater 2 Me
Summary: She had a very stingy boyfriend who has never given her a gift in 4 years of dating but he spends a lot of money on himself.
Update: Wrote a letter to her boyfriend detailing how she felt about his stinginess. They had a huge fight after he read the letter. They eventually made up and talked about it. Dude has turned a new leaf.
Mrs. Trapped
Summary: Young married lady who moved to the US to ‘join’ her husband whom she had only met once previously. Since her arrival, she began to feel alienated and timid due to her husband’s incessant jabs about her accent etc…
Update: Mrs Trapped has started her nursing course and attempted to discuss the issue with her husband several times to no avail. He still treats her well and provides for her but she says he is still cold. Her mother has advised her to get pregnant ASAP.
That’s it!
Watch out for tomorrow’s Aunty Bella…
Thanks for all the support so far.
If you have an issue, email bellanaija@gmail.com - its completely confidential
Which ‘Aunty Bella case’ did you relate to or learn the most from. Do you have any new advice for them? Let us know.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
AUNTY BELLA - MRS. TRAPPED
Hi Everyone,
Its been a while the last Aunty Bella so here is a new 'case'.
Please offer her some advice.
I really feel her pain.
Also, RIP to the victims at V-Tech. My heart goes out to their families.
__________________________________________________________________
Dear Aunty Bella,
I am a young married lady and I have a problem that I hope your audience can help me with. I attended a higher institution in the East and during one of my Christmas holidays in my hometown, I met my husband.
Any Igbo person will relate to the Xmas trips, all the guys from overseas arrive and during this time many people meet their future spouses. That was how I met my husband, he saw me at a cousin’s house and didn’t say much but the next day, my cousin told me that he had asked her all sorts of questions about me.
I saw him again at a wedding and we got talking and things blossomed from there.
He seemed gentle and intelligent, not like some of the other guys that arrive and think they are the best thing to land of earth.
Before he left, he made his intentions known to my parents and they approved. We kept in touch through email for some months. Immediately I finished my course, he started making plans for me to move over.
Bella, he couldn’t make it to our wedding but they did the marriage without him (his people were there and his picture was in his place). He sponsored the whole thing and kept calling and emailing as usual. After about a year, my visa was processed and I finally arrived.
I had heard some bad stories about women arriving and meeting a bad situation but I did not experience any of that, we have a nice house, he has a good job (engineer), responsible friends and every other thing a woman could want but Bella I am not happy at all.
From the very day I arrived, I realized that I do not love him and he does not love me. We do not kiss or hug each other, I just feel like I am a housegirl who sleeps with her oga. He does not abuse me but he talks down at me as though I am dumb. He has told me not to speak Igbo when I talk to my friends on the phone and that I need to refine my accent because I sound local. He said the way I dress is poor and took me shopping but all the things he picked were so old fashioned. When his friends come (his friends are all white), they do not talk to me, they just talk and laugh among themselves. These things hurt so much and I am losing so much faith in myself. We live in a town without many Africans so I do not have any friends here. I am about to start a course in nursing but so far I just stay at home from morning to night. I feel like going back Bella but I cant. I have told my mother and she has asked if he beats me, I said no. If he denies me food, I said no. So she said I should stop complaining, that many girls will kill to be in my shoes. I am ashamed to tell my friends because most of them were already jealous about my marriage to such a sought-after guy.
Please what should I do? Can I get him to change? Should I just escape back to Nigeria and face the taunts?
Mrs. Trapped
Its been a while the last Aunty Bella so here is a new 'case'.
Please offer her some advice.
I really feel her pain.
Also, RIP to the victims at V-Tech. My heart goes out to their families.
__________________________________________________________________
Dear Aunty Bella,
I am a young married lady and I have a problem that I hope your audience can help me with. I attended a higher institution in the East and during one of my Christmas holidays in my hometown, I met my husband.
Any Igbo person will relate to the Xmas trips, all the guys from overseas arrive and during this time many people meet their future spouses. That was how I met my husband, he saw me at a cousin’s house and didn’t say much but the next day, my cousin told me that he had asked her all sorts of questions about me.
I saw him again at a wedding and we got talking and things blossomed from there.
He seemed gentle and intelligent, not like some of the other guys that arrive and think they are the best thing to land of earth.
Before he left, he made his intentions known to my parents and they approved. We kept in touch through email for some months. Immediately I finished my course, he started making plans for me to move over.
Bella, he couldn’t make it to our wedding but they did the marriage without him (his people were there and his picture was in his place). He sponsored the whole thing and kept calling and emailing as usual. After about a year, my visa was processed and I finally arrived.
I had heard some bad stories about women arriving and meeting a bad situation but I did not experience any of that, we have a nice house, he has a good job (engineer), responsible friends and every other thing a woman could want but Bella I am not happy at all.
From the very day I arrived, I realized that I do not love him and he does not love me. We do not kiss or hug each other, I just feel like I am a housegirl who sleeps with her oga. He does not abuse me but he talks down at me as though I am dumb. He has told me not to speak Igbo when I talk to my friends on the phone and that I need to refine my accent because I sound local. He said the way I dress is poor and took me shopping but all the things he picked were so old fashioned. When his friends come (his friends are all white), they do not talk to me, they just talk and laugh among themselves. These things hurt so much and I am losing so much faith in myself. We live in a town without many Africans so I do not have any friends here. I am about to start a course in nursing but so far I just stay at home from morning to night. I feel like going back Bella but I cant. I have told my mother and she has asked if he beats me, I said no. If he denies me food, I said no. So she said I should stop complaining, that many girls will kill to be in my shoes. I am ashamed to tell my friends because most of them were already jealous about my marriage to such a sought-after guy.
Please what should I do? Can I get him to change? Should I just escape back to Nigeria and face the taunts?
Mrs. Trapped
Thursday, February 08, 2007
AUNTY BELLA -MS. CATER 2 ME
I’m sooo sorry that this is late.
Anyway, today’s Aunty Bella is a bit more light-hearted than our previous case, ‘Ms. Misery’.
My friend called me a couple of days ago and related her story to me. I then told her to send it to me, which she did.
She’s been complaining about this over the last couple of months but I think it has reached its boiling point. Please offer her some advice.
Dear Aunty Bella readers,
Please don’t laugh o!
Valentine’s Day is next week and all of us in relationships are making plans for what to get our boyfriends and girlfriends.
Me, on the other hand am just dreading another dry Vals day.
The bottom line is that my boyfriend is STINGY.
We have been together for 4 years and I cannot identify one significant thing that he has bought for me.
For the first 2 and a half years of our relationship, we were doing long distance so around Val’s day, he would just call and send me e-cards. The excuse being that since I was far away he couldn’t really celebrate it the way he wanted. For my birthdays, he would fly to visit me and seeing him was my gift! Shoooo, it was nice seeing him and all but a card or dinner wouldn’t hurt!
Ever since we both moved to Lagos, it has turned to another story. Suddenly he doesn’t even believe in Vals day. Last year, this bobo deliberately (he denies it was deliberate) planned a business trip to London during that period. Don’t let me get started on my birthday. You know those handmade cards they make in Nigeria, that was all he got for me. The way bobo was grinning and smiling when he handed me the envelope eh, honestly I thought it might be tickets for 2 to Paris. When we go out, I find myself paying for my own drinks and even paying for our dinner. He says we are partners and we both have jobs so there is no big deal after all it is 2007 and I am a liberated independent woman (those are his favourite words ooo)
I am not being materialistic but if you see the bobo, you will understand what I’m talking about. He buys the best of the best for himself. The most expensive watches, suits, phone, car, travels first class.
We used to joke about his stinginess a lot but now I am a bit worried that he might be spending on some other girl. Our relationship is good though, you know when you just feel completely at ease with someone, no complications, I just feel like I’m home when I am with him. Did I forget to mention that I make such a huge effort when it comes to celebrating his birthdays and Vals day.
Please help me.
We have never really addressed the issue head-on, should I bring it up? I know he has had some issues with gold digging girls in the past, I guess that is why I overcompensated at the beginning of our relationship with the whole ‘I’m an independent woman’ schick! HELP!
Ms. Cater 2 Me
***Bella's addition
Thanks for the comments so far!
Let me just give u a bit more info on the issue since I know both of them - like on the real, apart from this stinginess, he treats her very very very well. Like he is the kind of person that when I see them together, even at a party he makes her feel like the only girl in the place...holding her hand etc..Like I've been with her and he would just randomly call or text to say - he loves her and appreciates her. If she feels sick, he leaves work and goes to chill with her. I guess that is why this issue is very puzzling. I also second her statement on dude spending on himself....he looks like he just walked out of GQ but I agree he is very stingy. haba, I have stories from when we all go out together, he totally expects her to 'handle' her bills!
Anyway, today’s Aunty Bella is a bit more light-hearted than our previous case, ‘Ms. Misery’.
My friend called me a couple of days ago and related her story to me. I then told her to send it to me, which she did.
She’s been complaining about this over the last couple of months but I think it has reached its boiling point. Please offer her some advice.
Dear Aunty Bella readers,
Please don’t laugh o!
Valentine’s Day is next week and all of us in relationships are making plans for what to get our boyfriends and girlfriends.
Me, on the other hand am just dreading another dry Vals day.
The bottom line is that my boyfriend is STINGY.
We have been together for 4 years and I cannot identify one significant thing that he has bought for me.
For the first 2 and a half years of our relationship, we were doing long distance so around Val’s day, he would just call and send me e-cards. The excuse being that since I was far away he couldn’t really celebrate it the way he wanted. For my birthdays, he would fly to visit me and seeing him was my gift! Shoooo, it was nice seeing him and all but a card or dinner wouldn’t hurt!
Ever since we both moved to Lagos, it has turned to another story. Suddenly he doesn’t even believe in Vals day. Last year, this bobo deliberately (he denies it was deliberate) planned a business trip to London during that period. Don’t let me get started on my birthday. You know those handmade cards they make in Nigeria, that was all he got for me. The way bobo was grinning and smiling when he handed me the envelope eh, honestly I thought it might be tickets for 2 to Paris. When we go out, I find myself paying for my own drinks and even paying for our dinner. He says we are partners and we both have jobs so there is no big deal after all it is 2007 and I am a liberated independent woman (those are his favourite words ooo)
I am not being materialistic but if you see the bobo, you will understand what I’m talking about. He buys the best of the best for himself. The most expensive watches, suits, phone, car, travels first class.
We used to joke about his stinginess a lot but now I am a bit worried that he might be spending on some other girl. Our relationship is good though, you know when you just feel completely at ease with someone, no complications, I just feel like I’m home when I am with him. Did I forget to mention that I make such a huge effort when it comes to celebrating his birthdays and Vals day.
Please help me.
We have never really addressed the issue head-on, should I bring it up? I know he has had some issues with gold digging girls in the past, I guess that is why I overcompensated at the beginning of our relationship with the whole ‘I’m an independent woman’ schick! HELP!
Ms. Cater 2 Me
***Bella's addition
Thanks for the comments so far!
Let me just give u a bit more info on the issue since I know both of them - like on the real, apart from this stinginess, he treats her very very very well. Like he is the kind of person that when I see them together, even at a party he makes her feel like the only girl in the place...holding her hand etc..Like I've been with her and he would just randomly call or text to say - he loves her and appreciates her. If she feels sick, he leaves work and goes to chill with her. I guess that is why this issue is very puzzling. I also second her statement on dude spending on himself....he looks like he just walked out of GQ but I agree he is very stingy. haba, I have stories from when we all go out together, he totally expects her to 'handle' her bills!
Thursday, January 18, 2007
AUNTY BELLA - MISS MISERY
Hey everyone,
So I had already planned and chosen another Aunty Bella letter for today but I got this one yesterday and I was so moved by it that I had to share it with you guys immediately!
I will also do updates on previous Aunty Bella cases later today.
Please offer her some advice. Thanks!
Dear Aunty Bella,
Don’t want to sound all mushy but these Aunty Bella letters are helping people out. Reading some of the responses and comments people have left on previous occasions has given me a new perspective on my things.
Bella my situation is weighing heaving on my mind. I entered 2007 being absolutely miserable. I was wailing and crying in church, hoping that God would lift this burden off me.
I am sure many people are wondering what is wrong with me.
Nothing is wrong with me. I am healthy and successful and for that I am eternally grateful to God almighty.
Bella I am a strong woman, people see me outside and remark that I seem so put together, cool, calm and collected but inside I am burning.
I am in my mid-thirties and I am not married. I know that is not the worst thing in the world but it has just gotten to the point that I cant help but start wondering if I am cursed. I am not in a relationship, every relationship I enter ends dramatically and sadly. Leaving me heartbroken.
Believe me I am not one of those women that feel a woman’s ultimate purpose in life is to be a wife. I think that is so yesterday but still I just cant help feeling down. All my friends have LONG been married with children that can walk and talk. This Christmas, 2 of my younger ones got married!
Can you imagine, that my father previously refused to their fiances’ request because he was waiting for me to get married first! As at last xmas, the man got tired and just agreed. I think he has already given up hope that I will even walk down that aisle.
I have even stopped attending weddings because they just make me feel mad, I cant help but question why it isn’t me in that white dress.
I recognize so many of the City People brides as ‘juniors’ from my secondary school days. Please place yourself in my shoes and just imagine how that felt.
I am not looking for pity, just advice.
My longest relationship has been only a year. The rest just fizzle out before long. People are always whispering that I cannot keep a man.
I am praying, I am always praying. I left my catholic church for one of the Pentecostal churches hoping that I could reach out to God with more powerful 'fire for fire' prayers - e jo no laugh, this is true talk!
I was never a wild and crazy girl. I never dated married men, never did ‘aristos’ and all those things.
Please Aunty Bella readers, help! Don’t be offended if I sound forceful or miserable in the email. I am just being brutally honest.
Just a note, there are many women I know in their 30s, 40s even 50s who are unmarried and very happy. I am not trying to belittle you. I love your strength and resolve and wish I could emulate that.
Thanks,
Miss Misery From Nigeria
Wow!
Please offer her some advice!
Thanks…
So I had already planned and chosen another Aunty Bella letter for today but I got this one yesterday and I was so moved by it that I had to share it with you guys immediately!
I will also do updates on previous Aunty Bella cases later today.
Please offer her some advice. Thanks!
Dear Aunty Bella,
Don’t want to sound all mushy but these Aunty Bella letters are helping people out. Reading some of the responses and comments people have left on previous occasions has given me a new perspective on my things.
Bella my situation is weighing heaving on my mind. I entered 2007 being absolutely miserable. I was wailing and crying in church, hoping that God would lift this burden off me.
I am sure many people are wondering what is wrong with me.
Nothing is wrong with me. I am healthy and successful and for that I am eternally grateful to God almighty.
Bella I am a strong woman, people see me outside and remark that I seem so put together, cool, calm and collected but inside I am burning.
I am in my mid-thirties and I am not married. I know that is not the worst thing in the world but it has just gotten to the point that I cant help but start wondering if I am cursed. I am not in a relationship, every relationship I enter ends dramatically and sadly. Leaving me heartbroken.
Believe me I am not one of those women that feel a woman’s ultimate purpose in life is to be a wife. I think that is so yesterday but still I just cant help feeling down. All my friends have LONG been married with children that can walk and talk. This Christmas, 2 of my younger ones got married!
Can you imagine, that my father previously refused to their fiances’ request because he was waiting for me to get married first! As at last xmas, the man got tired and just agreed. I think he has already given up hope that I will even walk down that aisle.
I have even stopped attending weddings because they just make me feel mad, I cant help but question why it isn’t me in that white dress.
I recognize so many of the City People brides as ‘juniors’ from my secondary school days. Please place yourself in my shoes and just imagine how that felt.
I am not looking for pity, just advice.
My longest relationship has been only a year. The rest just fizzle out before long. People are always whispering that I cannot keep a man.
I am praying, I am always praying. I left my catholic church for one of the Pentecostal churches hoping that I could reach out to God with more powerful 'fire for fire' prayers - e jo no laugh, this is true talk!
I was never a wild and crazy girl. I never dated married men, never did ‘aristos’ and all those things.
Please Aunty Bella readers, help! Don’t be offended if I sound forceful or miserable in the email. I am just being brutally honest.
Just a note, there are many women I know in their 30s, 40s even 50s who are unmarried and very happy. I am not trying to belittle you. I love your strength and resolve and wish I could emulate that.
Thanks,
Miss Misery From Nigeria
Wow!
Please offer her some advice!
Thanks…
Thursday, November 30, 2006
AUNTY BELLA - MAN VS. MONEY
This is a special edition of Aunty Bella because it features a problem sent to me by a fellow blogger (I cant name names...sorry!)
Thanks so much to my guest bloggers! I really appreciate their input....please show them luv
This guest blogging series will go on until Tuesday next week.....
Hey Aunty Bella and readers,
I graduated with a masters degree and found the job of my dreams with an investment bank.
On the other hand, my boyfriend graduated a couple of years ago and has been looking for a permanent job since then.
He has been temping with various agencies for a while now but nothing constant.
Ever since he got the news of my job offer, his attitude has been very sour. He is obviously not happy for me.
His excuse is that we will be getting married soon and a job with an investment bank will be too time-consuming and tasking on our relationship.
Bella, what do I do? I hate to say this but I believe that he is jealous. I will now be making much more money than him and this is a big blow to his ego. He is also sad that after all these years of job hunting, he has nothing while within months, I secured a top job.
He is actually a great guy and I cannot begin to list the things he has done for me both emotionally and mentally.
PLEASE. Let me know how I can save my relationship. I have tried to convince him for weeks and it is just straining our relationship.
Do I reject the job offer? Do I break u with him?
Thanks so much to my guest bloggers! I really appreciate their input....please show them luv
This guest blogging series will go on until Tuesday next week.....
Hey Aunty Bella and readers,
I graduated with a masters degree and found the job of my dreams with an investment bank.
On the other hand, my boyfriend graduated a couple of years ago and has been looking for a permanent job since then.
He has been temping with various agencies for a while now but nothing constant.
Ever since he got the news of my job offer, his attitude has been very sour. He is obviously not happy for me.
His excuse is that we will be getting married soon and a job with an investment bank will be too time-consuming and tasking on our relationship.
Bella, what do I do? I hate to say this but I believe that he is jealous. I will now be making much more money than him and this is a big blow to his ego. He is also sad that after all these years of job hunting, he has nothing while within months, I secured a top job.
He is actually a great guy and I cannot begin to list the things he has done for me both emotionally and mentally.
PLEASE. Let me know how I can save my relationship. I have tried to convince him for weeks and it is just straining our relationship.
Do I reject the job offer? Do I break u with him?
Thursday, November 16, 2006
AUNTY BELLA - B-Dilemma
Hello Aunty Bella,
I need to get this issue off my chest immediately.
I have decided to get breast augmentation after many years of low self-confidence, teasing and insecurity. Some people might find this funny, silly or trivial but is very important to me. I am crippled my shyness and at 25, I have never been in a relationship.
When I was a teenager and I waited and waited for my breasts to grow with no avail.
I would get teased incessantly at school and come home crying. All the other girls were growing while I was left behind. I have tried push-up bras and all the other tricks. They don’t work. I just look awkward and disproportionate.
Aunty Bella, I recently found out that the NHS offers free breast augmentation if a psychiatrist can prove your physique has affected your psychologically and socially. I have passed this stage and had been given a date for the operation. I have even chosen the size, type and all the other details.
Now to my present predicament, on the day of the surgery, I couldn’t bring myself to go. I started having second thoughts. Is this really necessary, how will I explain to my parents, what will people say?
People, please help me. What should I do.
Miss B-Dilemma
Wow...I dont know what to say.
I really feel for her. She obviously has self image issues.
Advise?
I need to get this issue off my chest immediately.
I have decided to get breast augmentation after many years of low self-confidence, teasing and insecurity. Some people might find this funny, silly or trivial but is very important to me. I am crippled my shyness and at 25, I have never been in a relationship.
When I was a teenager and I waited and waited for my breasts to grow with no avail.
I would get teased incessantly at school and come home crying. All the other girls were growing while I was left behind. I have tried push-up bras and all the other tricks. They don’t work. I just look awkward and disproportionate.
Aunty Bella, I recently found out that the NHS offers free breast augmentation if a psychiatrist can prove your physique has affected your psychologically and socially. I have passed this stage and had been given a date for the operation. I have even chosen the size, type and all the other details.
Now to my present predicament, on the day of the surgery, I couldn’t bring myself to go. I started having second thoughts. Is this really necessary, how will I explain to my parents, what will people say?
People, please help me. What should I do.
Miss B-Dilemma
Wow...I dont know what to say.
I really feel for her. She obviously has self image issues.
Advise?
Thursday, November 02, 2006
AUNTY BELLA - MISS CYCATYS
Here is a new case for Aunty Bella.
Please take time out to offer her some advise.
If you have any issue for Aunty Bella – bellanaija@gmail.com
It’s completely anonymous. Thank ya~
Hello Aunty BN,
I think we have met but even you will never guess who this is. Bella, I don’t recognize myself anymore, I hate the person I have become over the last 2 years. I will start by saying my issue is not about LOVE, it is about MY LIFE.
Let me explain, I left Nigeria after primary school and returned after I completed my undergraduate and post-graduate degrees. While I was in England, I hardly had any Nigerian friends, my parents shipped me off to an exclusive boarding school in the middle of rural England where I stayed until in finished my A-Levels. It was when I started university in London that I met a few Nigerians, I built life-long friendships there and reconnected with my Nigerian heritage. It was because of those friends that I decided to move to Nigeria after I graduated (although I worked for a year).
BN, this is where the trouble started.
I am in financial penury. I am so broke and it is all my fault. I have been living far above my means. I never used to be the type of person who cared about how people perceived me but that has all changed. I was never the type of person who cared about Gucci and Versace, now that is all I spend my money on. My wardrobe is filled with designer clothing and accessories, I go out nearly every night to expensive restaurants or bars. I take too many international trips (I travel somewhere at least twice a month). I just cant seem to stop myself. I am so miserable because sometimes, I don’t even have any money to eat, refuel my car with petrol or pay my driver. I promise myself to change all the time but each time I get my salary, the cycle begins again. More shopping, more trips, more events. I have no savings, owe quite a number of people money (bar tabs, designers but not my friends) and have huge credit card bills piled up in London.
Nobody suspects this is happening to me and I cannot share my problem with any of my friends because I come from a very popular family in Lagos (Everytime people hear my last name, you can see the change in perception), I have a very good job, nice car, clothes and a beautiful apartment (separate chalet in my parents estate). All my friends live the same kind of lifestyle as me. We travel together, shop together, go to all the high profile events together but the main difference is that their parents (or boyfriends) still sponsor them financially despite the fact that they are graduates in their 20s and 30s with well paying jobs. My parents are very disciplined people. They do not believe in spoiling their children. They gave us the best education possible and now they expect us to fend for ourselves.
To be completely honest, I now have a very snobby and haughty attitude that is making things even worse. I never used to be that way, at boarding school, my pet name was Smiley.
Please help me. I know I got myself into this mess.
Miss Cut Your Coat According To Your Size
Miss Cut Your Coat’s situation is sad but very prevalent in Nigeria. I think it is a case of misplaced priorities.
I am really looking forward to reading your comments. Thanks!!!
This is my 100th post! We’ve come a long way together, thanks for all your support!
Please take time out to offer her some advise.
If you have any issue for Aunty Bella – bellanaija@gmail.com
It’s completely anonymous. Thank ya~
Hello Aunty BN,
I think we have met but even you will never guess who this is. Bella, I don’t recognize myself anymore, I hate the person I have become over the last 2 years. I will start by saying my issue is not about LOVE, it is about MY LIFE.
Let me explain, I left Nigeria after primary school and returned after I completed my undergraduate and post-graduate degrees. While I was in England, I hardly had any Nigerian friends, my parents shipped me off to an exclusive boarding school in the middle of rural England where I stayed until in finished my A-Levels. It was when I started university in London that I met a few Nigerians, I built life-long friendships there and reconnected with my Nigerian heritage. It was because of those friends that I decided to move to Nigeria after I graduated (although I worked for a year).
BN, this is where the trouble started.
I am in financial penury. I am so broke and it is all my fault. I have been living far above my means. I never used to be the type of person who cared about how people perceived me but that has all changed. I was never the type of person who cared about Gucci and Versace, now that is all I spend my money on. My wardrobe is filled with designer clothing and accessories, I go out nearly every night to expensive restaurants or bars. I take too many international trips (I travel somewhere at least twice a month). I just cant seem to stop myself. I am so miserable because sometimes, I don’t even have any money to eat, refuel my car with petrol or pay my driver. I promise myself to change all the time but each time I get my salary, the cycle begins again. More shopping, more trips, more events. I have no savings, owe quite a number of people money (bar tabs, designers but not my friends) and have huge credit card bills piled up in London.
Nobody suspects this is happening to me and I cannot share my problem with any of my friends because I come from a very popular family in Lagos (Everytime people hear my last name, you can see the change in perception), I have a very good job, nice car, clothes and a beautiful apartment (separate chalet in my parents estate). All my friends live the same kind of lifestyle as me. We travel together, shop together, go to all the high profile events together but the main difference is that their parents (or boyfriends) still sponsor them financially despite the fact that they are graduates in their 20s and 30s with well paying jobs. My parents are very disciplined people. They do not believe in spoiling their children. They gave us the best education possible and now they expect us to fend for ourselves.
To be completely honest, I now have a very snobby and haughty attitude that is making things even worse. I never used to be that way, at boarding school, my pet name was Smiley.
Please help me. I know I got myself into this mess.
Miss Cut Your Coat According To Your Size
Miss Cut Your Coat’s situation is sad but very prevalent in Nigeria. I think it is a case of misplaced priorities.
I am really looking forward to reading your comments. Thanks!!!
This is my 100th post! We’ve come a long way together, thanks for all your support!
Thursday, October 19, 2006
AUNTY BELLA - MS.WAHALA
Aunty Bella is here again.
It’s been a while since the last case; I sincerely thank everyone for all their comments and contribution so far! You may be surprised to know that you have actually made a difference in someone’s life. Read the post below for updates from past cases...HERE
Please take time out to read today’s case from Ms. Wahala…it is a very true story and she is honestly confused so please help her out!
Aunty B,
Absolutely love your blog. I have read every Aunty B. letter and never imagined I would write to you but desperate times call for desperate measures.
A little background info is important before I describe my wahala. I am a Muslim in my very early 20s from Lagos. I am from a fairly well-known family. Dad's a politician and my mother's side is pretty out there. I grew up outside Lagos and went to a very proper all-girls school and have lived and schooled in the US the last 7 years. I have a very decent job,have 2 degrees and am currently working on my MBA. I have a fairly Western and very liberal view of life. Definitely not a traditional naija girl.
My parents have been married for a minute and my dad has cheated on my mum from day one so I decided pretty early that my priorities when picking a husband would emphasize respect, honour and fidelity. My Western views make me very indifferent to the standard naija, "what will people say reaction" that most naija people seem to have. Therein seems to lie my problem.
I am seriously dating a wonderful man with a very reliable source of income and an incredible business sense after kissing a few frogs.
It's been a year and a half and he loves me more than I imagined possible and treats me with respect. He is also Yoruba but Christian and almost a decade older. He is by no means perfect but I love him that much more in spite of and becauseof his flaws. We have talked about marriage and I know he's planning a proposal so i figured I would introduce him formally to my parents.
Na there katakata burst. He has no university degree and my parents are swearing up and down – NO. He is very polished and well travelled. He made a decision not to finish school and it's worked out very well for him. My parents believe the differences in our educational backgrounds will create serious problems. I say we have worked through a lot of those problems and will work through whatever comes up. We expect criticism and judgment and are prepared for that. They say he will revert to the standard naija illiterate way of thinking. It doesn't help that he is from one of those Ara-Oke Yoruba states that the rest of them dislike. I say my parents are simply worried about how it would look. Their very educated first child, a complete daddy's girl, marrying some "Off the street illiterate trying to boost his profile by marrying a degree holder" (their words) is unacceptable. Ki ni aye ma so? What do you say?
What do you suggest?
It seems trivial but many of us are very close to our parents and will not like to destroy that relationship for a guy. But what if he is ‘the one’…
Anyway, let us know what you think…
It’s been a while since the last case; I sincerely thank everyone for all their comments and contribution so far! You may be surprised to know that you have actually made a difference in someone’s life. Read the post below for updates from past cases...HERE
Please take time out to read today’s case from Ms. Wahala…it is a very true story and she is honestly confused so please help her out!
Aunty B,
Absolutely love your blog. I have read every Aunty B. letter and never imagined I would write to you but desperate times call for desperate measures.
A little background info is important before I describe my wahala. I am a Muslim in my very early 20s from Lagos. I am from a fairly well-known family. Dad's a politician and my mother's side is pretty out there. I grew up outside Lagos and went to a very proper all-girls school and have lived and schooled in the US the last 7 years. I have a very decent job,have 2 degrees and am currently working on my MBA. I have a fairly Western and very liberal view of life. Definitely not a traditional naija girl.
My parents have been married for a minute and my dad has cheated on my mum from day one so I decided pretty early that my priorities when picking a husband would emphasize respect, honour and fidelity. My Western views make me very indifferent to the standard naija, "what will people say reaction" that most naija people seem to have. Therein seems to lie my problem.
I am seriously dating a wonderful man with a very reliable source of income and an incredible business sense after kissing a few frogs.
It's been a year and a half and he loves me more than I imagined possible and treats me with respect. He is also Yoruba but Christian and almost a decade older. He is by no means perfect but I love him that much more in spite of and becauseof his flaws. We have talked about marriage and I know he's planning a proposal so i figured I would introduce him formally to my parents.
Na there katakata burst. He has no university degree and my parents are swearing up and down – NO. He is very polished and well travelled. He made a decision not to finish school and it's worked out very well for him. My parents believe the differences in our educational backgrounds will create serious problems. I say we have worked through a lot of those problems and will work through whatever comes up. We expect criticism and judgment and are prepared for that. They say he will revert to the standard naija illiterate way of thinking. It doesn't help that he is from one of those Ara-Oke Yoruba states that the rest of them dislike. I say my parents are simply worried about how it would look. Their very educated first child, a complete daddy's girl, marrying some "Off the street illiterate trying to boost his profile by marrying a degree holder" (their words) is unacceptable. Ki ni aye ma so? What do you say?
What do you suggest?
It seems trivial but many of us are very close to our parents and will not like to destroy that relationship for a guy. But what if he is ‘the one’…
Anyway, let us know what you think…
AUNTY BELLA UPDATES
Miss Frontin’ Don’t Pay – Has moved on, she is now ‘just friends’ with the fine boy and he recently confessed that he really liked her but it faded due to her childish ways…
Ms. Papa Don’t Preach – Is going ahead with her wedding. It’s taking place in the UK before the end of the year. Initially she was going to just go to the registry/court but has decided to something bigger and more glam because in her own words, ‘Its her special day and she has nothing to be ashamed of’. For now, only her mum is scheduled to attend, her dad still refuses to acknowledge the wedding.
Mr.Torn – Has decided to continue dating his Boston chick and wants to ‘see how it goes’…he says he will tell his Nigerian fiancé soon but is still searching for ‘the words to use’ but if he and the Boston chick break-up soon, he will go back to the Nigerian babe…the guy is not serious!
Ms. Papa Don’t Preach – Is going ahead with her wedding. It’s taking place in the UK before the end of the year. Initially she was going to just go to the registry/court but has decided to something bigger and more glam because in her own words, ‘Its her special day and she has nothing to be ashamed of’. For now, only her mum is scheduled to attend, her dad still refuses to acknowledge the wedding.
Mr.Torn – Has decided to continue dating his Boston chick and wants to ‘see how it goes’…he says he will tell his Nigerian fiancé soon but is still searching for ‘the words to use’ but if he and the Boston chick break-up soon, he will go back to the Nigerian babe…the guy is not serious!
Thursday, September 28, 2006
AUNTY BELLA - MR TORN
Here is another edition of ‘Aunty Bella’
If you don’t know what it’s about read HERE
Miss M who shared her issue the last time says a huge ‘Thanks’ to everyone who advised her.
She said she has decided to go ahead with her wedding. I wish her all the best!
Now to today’s edition -
Dear Aunty Bella,
Here is my story. I just moved to the states some months ago. I recently started my MBA but moved here some months early to settle down. I have a girlfriend back in Nigeria and we dated for about 7 years. I met her during my 100 level at university and we have been together since then. Before I left Nigeria, I proposed to her, introduced myself to her parents and made it known that I will be back next year to marry her. I even told my parents and they are making preparations. My fiancée is a sweet girl, I was her first boyfriend and I know she will make a good wife.
Bella, here is my problem; I met this other girl when I arrived in Boston. At first I thought we could be just friends – that did not work. I thought it was just a fling – it is deeper than that. I am in love with her. I no longer answer my fiancée’s calls or emails. I heard from some friends that she is quite depressed due to my new attitude but I can’t help myself, I have never felt the way I feel about my new girlfriend.
I am wondering, what do I do now?
How do I break this news to my fiancée? She stuck by me for 7 years.
How do I tell our parents?
I am very confused. This situation is even distracting me from my MBA studies.
I know I am partially at fault but please help me.
‘Mr Torn’ from Boston
I totally am very unimpressed with ‘Mr Torn’. Honestly, this makes me angry.
On the bright side, I think its better that he tells his Nigerian fiancée now instead of wasting her time!
Anyway, what do you guys think? Do you have any advise for ‘Mr Torn’?
If you don’t know what it’s about read HERE
Miss M who shared her issue the last time says a huge ‘Thanks’ to everyone who advised her.
She said she has decided to go ahead with her wedding. I wish her all the best!
Now to today’s edition -
Dear Aunty Bella,
Here is my story. I just moved to the states some months ago. I recently started my MBA but moved here some months early to settle down. I have a girlfriend back in Nigeria and we dated for about 7 years. I met her during my 100 level at university and we have been together since then. Before I left Nigeria, I proposed to her, introduced myself to her parents and made it known that I will be back next year to marry her. I even told my parents and they are making preparations. My fiancée is a sweet girl, I was her first boyfriend and I know she will make a good wife.
Bella, here is my problem; I met this other girl when I arrived in Boston. At first I thought we could be just friends – that did not work. I thought it was just a fling – it is deeper than that. I am in love with her. I no longer answer my fiancée’s calls or emails. I heard from some friends that she is quite depressed due to my new attitude but I can’t help myself, I have never felt the way I feel about my new girlfriend.
I am wondering, what do I do now?
How do I break this news to my fiancée? She stuck by me for 7 years.
How do I tell our parents?
I am very confused. This situation is even distracting me from my MBA studies.
I know I am partially at fault but please help me.
‘Mr Torn’ from Boston
I totally am very unimpressed with ‘Mr Torn’. Honestly, this makes me angry.
On the bright side, I think its better that he tells his Nigerian fiancée now instead of wasting her time!
Anyway, what do you guys think? Do you have any advise for ‘Mr Torn’?
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
AUNTY BELLA - PAPA DON'T PREACH
Here is another problem for ‘Aunty Bella’ to solve……in case u don’t know what I’m talking about…Aunty Bella is a little agony aunt column we have on bellanaija …anyway u can find out more HERE
Dear Aunty Bella,
My problem is very serious but on impulse I decided to send it to you. Here is my problem – my boyfriend proposed!!!!
Hardly sounds like a problem right? Wrong!
My parents have banned me from marrying him. For what reason? I am Yoruba and he is Igbo.
You see my father used say ‘do not bring any okoro guy home’ but I thought he was joking because he and my mum have many Igbo friends.
I do not want my parents to disown me because we have always been very close but I don’t know what to do!
I love my fiancé, he is the light of my life. I am 27 years old and in London. Please you know how hard it is to find a fine and responsible Nigerian guy in the UK who wants to settle down!
Please help me! Maybe I will find a solution; maybe I will get some laughs (I hardly even smile these days).
Yours Truly, Papa Don’t Preach from London
*letter summarized for length
This is serious o. I didn’t know stuff like this still happened.
Any Advice?
Dear Aunty Bella,
My problem is very serious but on impulse I decided to send it to you. Here is my problem – my boyfriend proposed!!!!
Hardly sounds like a problem right? Wrong!
My parents have banned me from marrying him. For what reason? I am Yoruba and he is Igbo.
You see my father used say ‘do not bring any okoro guy home’ but I thought he was joking because he and my mum have many Igbo friends.
I do not want my parents to disown me because we have always been very close but I don’t know what to do!
I love my fiancé, he is the light of my life. I am 27 years old and in London. Please you know how hard it is to find a fine and responsible Nigerian guy in the UK who wants to settle down!
Please help me! Maybe I will find a solution; maybe I will get some laughs (I hardly even smile these days).
Yours Truly, Papa Don’t Preach from London
*letter summarized for length
This is serious o. I didn’t know stuff like this still happened.
Any Advice?
Thursday, August 24, 2006
AUNTY BELLA - FRONTIN' DONT PAY
Please read THIS first! Thanks!
Our first case is from a friend of mine whom I was talking to last night....
This is actually all true…sorry for making fun of your misery sweetie
Dear Aunty Bella,
There is this very FINE guy I have a HUGE crush on…after begging my friend to slyly introduce us and batting my long eyelashes at him, he eventually started ‘chasing’ me…
He started calling me…I never called back…
When I would see him I public…he would come over and give me a hug while I would give him the ‘what is your name again?’ look…
Well, after a couple of weeks….he STOPPED and yesterday I saw him with a very pretty girl and they were holding hands!!! Aunty Bella, what do I do???? I am sooo sad and distressed…
Yours sincerely, Frontin’ Don’t Pay From Lagos
Everyone, please I need ur input! Please advice Miss ‘Frontin Don’t Pay' From Lagos……Lets have fun with this!
Our first case is from a friend of mine whom I was talking to last night....
This is actually all true…sorry for making fun of your misery sweetie
Dear Aunty Bella,
There is this very FINE guy I have a HUGE crush on…after begging my friend to slyly introduce us and batting my long eyelashes at him, he eventually started ‘chasing’ me…
He started calling me…I never called back…
When I would see him I public…he would come over and give me a hug while I would give him the ‘what is your name again?’ look…
Well, after a couple of weeks….he STOPPED and yesterday I saw him with a very pretty girl and they were holding hands!!! Aunty Bella, what do I do???? I am sooo sad and distressed…
Yours sincerely, Frontin’ Don’t Pay From Lagos
Everyone, please I need ur input! Please advice Miss ‘Frontin Don’t Pay' From Lagos……Lets have fun with this!
Introducing....Aunty Bella
The other day, one of our bellanaija readers, the prolific blogger, don chi chi left a comment on one of the posts and he called me ‘Aunty Bella’…..that inspired me to start an agony aunt column on the blog……Hopefully, we can have some ‘tongue in cheek’ fun with this….
Anyway, you can send in ur problems/issues to bellanaija@gmail.com ….don’t worry, its all anonymous….just give yourself a funky name related to your problem!
Anyway, you can send in ur problems/issues to bellanaija@gmail.com ….don’t worry, its all anonymous….just give yourself a funky name related to your problem!
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